Finding Your Voice as a New Mother with Rowana Abbensetts-Dobson
ABOUT THE EPISODE
Welcome to the newest episode of the Motherscope Podcast, today Rowana Abbensetts-Dobson is joining and we’re talking about the all-encompassing role of motherhood. Rowana is a Guyanese-American writer, mental health advocate, and founder of Spoken Black Girl, a publishing & media company that promotes mental health and wellness among Black women & women of color by amplifying emerging voices. She has so much knowledge and perspective to add to and understand the layers of motherhood. If you’re grappling with the unexpected experiences and feelings of motherhood, this episode is for you.
TOPICS DISCUSSED
How motherhood has compounded Rowana’s desire to write and start Spoken Black Girl
The special experience of having material that you love or have created to share with your children
A recent parenting experience that Rowana has had that felt really unexpected
The ways in which motherhood can help you reconnect with your own inner child
Rowana’s experience with a c-section, postpartum depression, and wanting to create more awareness for expecting and new mothers
Why you should plan on having some type of physical activity with your kids each day
RESOURCES MENTIONED
THIS WEEK’S WRITING PROMPT
What is something that you know better now and are working to do better for yourself and as a mom?
ABOUT ROWANA
ROWANA ABBENSETTS-DOBSON is a Guyanese-American writer, mental health advocate, and founder of Spoken Black Girl, a publishing & media company that promotes mental health and wellness among Black women & women of color by amplifying emerging voices. Rowana has had fiction and poetry published in Moko Magazine, Obsidian: Literature & Arts in the African Diaspora, Culture Push, and Free Verse Magazine. As a freelance health and wellness writer, Rowana has written for GoodRx, Well +Good, Bold Culture by Streamline Media, The Tempest, and Electric Lit. Her debut novel, Departure Story, published by Spoken Black Girl Publishing on June 1, 2021, is now available for your reading pleasure.
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Jackie Leonard 00:10
Hi, rolana welcome to the podcast.
Rowana Abbensetts-Dobson 00:13
Hi, Jackie, thank you for having me.
Jackie Leonard 00:17
So before we begin, can you share a little bit about yourself with those listening?
Rowana Abbensetts-Dobson 00:22
Sure, my name is Rohan itemsets. I'm an author, a writer, a mom, an entrepreneur, the founder of spoken black girl magazine, and spoken black girl publishing. And yes, I am an advocate for writers, particularly black women writers, as I myself, I'm a black woman, writer of Caribbean descent. And I really am passionate about closing the margins, in publishing and getting more stories out there in the world. And I think that's why I've connected so much with mother scope, because you are connecting mothers all over the world, by allowing us a space to share our stories. Thank you, I'm very grateful to be here.
Jackie Leonard 01:17
Thank you for for sharing that. And what I remember when I first heard about spoken black girl, and you was reading about all the different things that you were doing and feeling. I don't know if like, validated in a way that like, Oh, these are all things that I see have seen, like, that are needed or that, you know, I in my own way have like thought about doing. And in the past thought like, Oh, that's not what nobody's gonna want that. And then seeing what that you were doing it and you know, some other people that I've seen, you know, across the world, really trying to make these things happen and provide these opportunities for other writers that just are not given these platforms and voices to do so was like, okay, like, we're on a mission, like, we need to do this, and it lit a fire under me. And so I mean, I'm just really looking forward to just learning more about you through our conversation, but just also wanted to, to highlight the work that you're doing, because because it does inspire me, and I know, it inspires other people.
Rowana Abbensetts-Dobson 02:20
Thank you so much. You know, you are the second founder, slash publisher that I met with in the last two days. And I don't know for like, just this particular kind of person just has like, a vision. But like, to anyone listening, if you're this kind of person, or you have like a vision for a better world in some way. Yes, definitely follow through with that vision. Because it's not even just for you. It's, you know, one of the things on my journey slogan black girl is, I started it because I wanted to, you know, start my own business. I was like, alright, you can write, you know, copywriting and editing and marketing and all of these skills. Like, it's time to just bet on yourself and put yourself out there. And so, you know, my area of expertise, was writing about mental health. And especially, like, from the perspective of a black woman and like, what it's like to take care of your mental health. And it was a very cathartic process. For me, it was like, very validating for me, I would write these blog posts, and then people would respond to the comments like, yeah, yeah, like, you know, what you're going through is valid and real. And so, you find like, when you have that vision, even though it seems like kind of unlikely, like, who I think I am, to be, like, trying to, like, you don't have to save the world. But I think by saving yourself in a way. You know, you've helped so many other people. And I see that on your journey. And that's definitely been a recurring trend on my journey. Like, yes, I make these, you know, different publications for other people, but it's also just this itch that I have in my brain that like, I just have to curate writing art, things like that. Yeah, totally. I was enjoying it. Yeah.
Jackie Leonard 04:51
Every once in a while, I'm like, Yeah, I also was like, I want to start a business and I'm like, Why didn't I just like, I don't know. Make some like make a crafter like to cook it, I don't know something because I was like this, this this work is hard. You know, it's hard to like, feel like, it has a space a place, but I just feel like, like you said, it's like, it's the thing that we love, I see that in you like, I think that we share that where it's like I have to write I have to write about for myself, but also I see how important it is for other people on to help other people do it too. And I'm curious to hear if this comes up, and you're talking about motherhood, if how that has, like, compounded your desire or urgency to write. And so I'm not trying to put that out there right away, but I just thought, you know, I just feel like, having been a, what I would call a lifelong writer, becoming a mom did something to, to that. That hobby or skill that I had in a different way. So so what i Oh, sorry, oh, go?
Rowana Abbensetts-Dobson 06:02
Oh, no, I was just gonna say like I can definitely relate to, there was just kind of a sort of, like, urgency. That emerged for me, like around writing. After I became a mom, I think maybe it was because like, I had been writing before and blogging and doing all of those and writing articles and things like that before. But once I had my daughter Simone, now, a little angel, she's like, Hello, miss me, I know, you're not supposed to like your kids. Like she is. But I was just like, wow, I want to be a legacy. I want to leave just stories for her to read and relate to probably not now, you know, until I get into my children's book mode, which I'm guessing that's going to happen, like, you know, maybe by 40, I just turned 30. So in the next decade, but you just want to kind of like leave something behind for your kids to read or to, like know a little bit more about you. Like, for me, family, like, I don't really know a lot about my grandmother's, or what their lives were like, I was just talking to my parents the other day, and I was like, so what's your grandma, like? Do you know, a lot of times this is like they're back in Guyana, like my family is diabetes, that's like in South America. And they were just like, they were housewives. They were home makers, you know, they took care of the family, that is what they do. Like, you know, and a lot of they might have also like, you know, volunteered at the school or helped up the church and things like that. But they were just fundamentally in service to their, their community, whether that's like, their family, or a lot of times, especially on my mom's side, they were farmers. So it's like, you know, that's a communal situation, where you have a little extra some food or something like you share with your neighbors. So, I don't know a lot about like their interior, he would say like their lives. Even with my own mother, like I know things about her life. She's very like, matter of fact, she's a very, like she thought, I'm very emotional and mushy, and I like to share all of the time. And my mom's more kind of like straight to the point and like, maybe doesn't tell all of the, you know, details of everything that's ever happened to her. But I want to start that in my family. So I think that's something that I've accomplished, like through writing articles, and then also through my book. Just like a new level of vulnerability. So my daughter will know, Mama's mom went through all of these things.
Jackie Leonard 09:47
Yeah, as you were saying that I was just thinking about how being able to read your own words. Having a child who can read your own words gives them an opportunity to relate to you in a way that maybe we don't otherwise get as often because, you know, we see our parents as these kind of figures. And it's harder to see them as full humans, even when we do Oh are aware that yes, they are like separate humans when we get older. But to be able to like read their, their words, or read their thoughts and their emotions and things that are going through, I just think about how for me when I read a story, and I relate to somebody in a different way, when I read what they went through, to be able to do that with your parents or have a chat your own child's get to have that experience. I feel like it's so special. And I mean, you're preaching to the choir when you talk about writing and stuff, but I just really do see how special that will be one day for for them to do to have that Yeah.
Jackie Leonard 11:00
So I feel like we can go on and on about this. But I do want to talk a little bit about the question that you're going to answer today, which was, what's a recent parenting experience or a moment that you had where you thought to yourself, I did not expect this to fit before becoming a mom?
Rowana Abbensetts-Dobson 11:23
Okay, so the first thing that came to mind when I heard this question was that we are currently going through my daughter is going to school for the first time. And it is not what I not what I expected. First of all, she's already kind of like, I don't want to go to school. And I'm like, wait, doesn't that start, like in elementary school or something like a little later, like, come on, where, you know, this is pretty fun. This is like preschool, so. So, um, but you know, even through that, just now that she's beginning to speak more, and I can hear her words more clearly. Just like being able to relate to her on an emotional level, or like asking her like, how she's really feeling about things. And being able to get that response back. Seeing as you know, she was like, a baby. Only a blink ago, it seems. And now she's like communicating about her feelings. And I guess I'm finding myself just wanting to encourage that as much as possible. For me, I don't know if that was some a skill that I was taught growing up. I don't think like having the close heart to hearts, was it like something that I grew up with that often, I mean, I would make a heart to heart because I'm just like, I just have I'm like that kind of person. I just have to tell people how I'm feeling. But yeah, just wanting to continue to foster that vulnerability between my daughter and I and like, just hoping that she continues to trust me with her secrets. Yeah, I mean, one of the things that I, you know, you should I probably should have expected but didn't expect about motherhood is that it's so all encompassing. It's like, from the minute you become a mom, your life changes completely, and your priorities change completely. And it's just like, you are now responsible for another life and not even just it goes beyond feeding and clothing. It's like you're responsible for like, their emotional well being their mental well being, like, you know, what they're exposed to their education. And there's just so much to think about and she's my one and only right now and so. Yeah, I guess I just, you know, I guess I didn't expect to turn into like, full on mom mode, but like, that's the only mode possible. Yeah, just I, like yesterday, I made a post that I was talking about, like, I just think moms are the strongest people in the world. And that's not you know, to go to the, you know, strong stereotype because, of course, like, we want everyone to feel that You know, you can still ask for support, you can still ask for help. But I just know so many amazing mothers in my life who sacrifice so much. Especially if like your child has any kind of like different needs, it can be a challenge. So yeah, I think that those are some things that have surprised me about motherhood. And I guess it's like how I've changed. And then also just, what a huge impact this like little adorable person who wants to be a princess slash, like, you know, dancer slash, like, everything. She's a superhero. She's everything. And she's just like, reignites my sense of, of Wonder every day. Like, and she's so stinking cute, like, Oh, my goodness, like, I just look at her face. And that just makes me happy. I think before I became a mom, it's, it's just hard to understand.
Rowana Abbensetts-Dobson 16:24
What a beautiful experience it is, I think a lot of times people see the hard part. And they're like, oh, must be so hard to see so hard. And it is hard sometimes. But there are so many more amazing things. Like you get to just share your life with this person. And you know, it's an excuse to go do fun stuff. Because you're like, hey, I have a kid, I'm totally going to this, like, you know, water park or, you know, like, it helps me reconnect with my own inner child, especially when we're going through any kind of difficult moment. I'm just like, what would you say to a two year old ro Anna? Or like, how would you react to a two year old girl and he would probably, you know, give the most gentle care. And, you know, you probably wouldn't say anything that was hurtful, or, you know, would make her feel bad in any way. So I just tried to keep that in mind when I'm parenting. But yeah, it's been a beautiful journey so far.
Jackie Leonard 17:42
I mean, like, so many other things you brought up just like rum, like just got to me because I was. It's so true. Like what you just said recently, or just just now about, you know, our kids, we can like relive different parts of our life. Like, you know, we can go back to being a kid again, because we have the quote unquote, excuse to do it now with our kids. And I mean, I love that I love like, you know, getting to even just go to the park. Like, when did I go to a park when before I kids, I did not go to the park, I could have gone to the park, but I did not. Like I was on the swings the other day. And I was like, I was like, I have not done this. I mean, obvious since becoming a mom. But yeah, but like, how fun and freeing it is and how much it takes you back or even just to play with toys and get on the ground and build things. But I love what you said about like, when I'm having a hard time I have to think like what what are the two year old may have wanted? Or, you know, and, and how, how healing that is. I mean, just to you know, to take it back to what you were saying about wellness and all that just that practice of slowing down to ask yourself that or think about yourself as if you would your own child like is such a gift that I don't know if I would have found again, if I had not become a mom.
Rowana Abbensetts-Dobson 19:01
It's so it's so true. Because it never becomes more obvious than when someone who looks really similar to you is like just staring at you and it's like, wow, I better get this right. Yeah, it's all learning process. Like I said, my little one is only two. And it has just been a roller coaster since she was born. I went through postpartum depression. Just as someone who just deals with depression I kind of expected to have to deal with postpartum but again, it's one of those things it's like, I feel like people talk about it in passing. But it's hard to know like the real experience of moms, especially because you have this cute baby, and you just feel like everyone's like, Oh, you must be here, you're killing it, Mom, you're doing great. And, like, you know, it's also like one of the most exhausting the first two years and I, I feel like I'm just kind of getting out of that almost siloed I don't know if that's the right word. Like world of just being like I am mom. Because you have to give all of your energy to it, you have to give, like, 95.8% of your energy to. And that can even like lead to different, you know, consequences in your life. Like, you know, they're people like who I used to be friends with. But like, now it kind of feels like they, either they can't relate to like me as a mom, or they're just kind of like, don't understand why I'm not available to hang out as much or I'm not available to, you know. You know, I don't have all of the free time anymore. But oh, no, I mean, I think I've also observed that, like, some of the most loyal and supportive and amazing friends have emerged during this time. So, but it's a definitely a tricky time, like, after giving birth, you know, feelings around giving birth, if it went the way you had planned or expected. For me, like, I did not expect to have a C section, but I ended up having a C section. And then I started learning more about like, why that happened. And just kind of like learning about the health care system. And okay, for anyone that I'm like, kind of like speaking in riddles around, like, for me, this is my experience was that I was induced in labor. And then the same drug that like, was used to induce my labor then spiked my daughter's heart rate, which then now we got to do a C section. But at that time, I wasn't aware. One that a lot of obstetrician, obstetricians are just like trained surgeons. So they're trained to do C sections, or that's the most, it's also the most profitable for the hospital to do surgeries. So there are a lot of things. I hope all of that was like factual enough, but that's like what I gained from my research over the years, because I was like, kinda like, afterwards, after birth, I was like, how that wasn't really like, my plan. But then of course, like, in the moment, you're so swept up, and you just want you to be okay and the baby to be okay.
Rowana Abbensetts-Dobson 23:46
But yeah, more knowledge is definitely powerful. And that's why I've been seeing like, meeting so many amazing doulas and people that really kind of inform women on what they need to know, in the birthing process. They kind of got off track.
Jackie Leonard 24:09
Well, you know, it's that's how our conversation goes. But I do I did want to, like, say that I feel like pregnancy and birth for, for mothers is one of the first times that we realize how much we need advocates. And it's such a vulnerable time. And so as you were talking about, you know, being under the care of healthcare providers, and you know, being in labor, saying, you know, I got so swept up and I didn't know and all this and it's like, well, in a, in a, in a better world, right? You would have an advocate there that would have been able to, you know, speak to those things that you needed, but, you know, the lay person who isn't aware of that or doesn't know how to Time and how could we know if we're not taught that? You don't know until it's too late. And then after that fact, after the process, you sit there and you have a baby, and you're like Something didn't feel right about that. And I've just heard this story so many times. And I don't think birth ever quite goes as we expected, maybe or, you know, there's always something that you're like, oh, you know, maybe that wasn't what I thought was gonna happen. But I also know the other side where I know that there are so many different options that can help a mother feel more nurtured in that situation when they need it the most. And we're not we're not I don't think we're doing that currently, under our health care system, nearly nearly nearly what needs to be done? So I'm glad that you spoke to that. Because that is I mean, that was what you you did choose the question that was, you know, what were some things you didn't expect? And I think that is a very big unexpected reality for so many. So many of us moms.
Rowana Abbensetts-Dobson 26:03
Yeah. Yeah. And you see it on all levels to like even celebrities, who you would think would, you know, have this big team advocating for them? So it's definitely something that needs to change, like within the healthcare system? And yeah,
Jackie Leonard 26:28
yeah. Yeah. Gosh, okay, I could go on and on. Because, you know, I, I did have, I was fortunate just because I read a book before I had babies, but I knew about, you know, home birth, and I sought out a doula before my first child, and, you know, it went, well, it went, it went really well, in some ways. And then there were some unexpected things that happened, that I have thought about, since had I been in a traditional, you know, setting would have gone very different. And my experience would have been much more or less supported, I guess, I would say, just given what I know. But I just feel it's something that I'm just really passionate about. So I could talk on and on about it. But I would say, you know, for those of you who are listening, and maybe don't know, or have, you know, or you feel like yourself, have had some questions about it, I think there are things like race, you can go and look online. And really, there's a lot more out there, I think then we're there even five years ago about, like you said, the data around, you know, standard care and what's being done, the practices of, you know, hospital births versus other settings, and what happens when you have a support person, like a doula with you, and how that affects the outcomes in a more positive way. And, like you said, there is actual like data to support that. So I just think people should go out and look for it, because it is there. And we don't know to look until we hear about it. So I just appreciate you bringing your research,
Rowana Abbensetts-Dobson 28:09
if there's anything, you know, I'm here on the mother scope podcast. And so that's one of the messages I would definitely send out to other moms. And to just continue to take care of your mental health, the best you can you know, during the postpartum stage, even like before your birth, like, I went to therapy when I was pregnant, so that I was like, someone needs to help me just wrap my brain around the fact that I'm having a baby. And that was part of my self care. I was pregnant, and then also therapy after and just having a support system. And not being afraid to like lean on that support system. You don't have to be you know, you don't have to do it all. And I think especially when the little ones are like very young moms just feel like I need to be just on like 24/7 but, you know, there is a crash associated with so yeah,
Jackie Leonard 29:36
yeah, and we don't have to wait until the crash. I think that's been like one of the biggest lessons I've learned and for any person who asks me, you know, what I would suggest before having a child like I think it would 100% be like go go to therapy and just try it out and see you know, it doesn't have to be when you're at the bottom and are you know are so so lost. I know, a lot of times that is how we end up finding it. But it doesn't have to be that way. And I think that even just processing this experience, their experience of being pregnant is a lot for anyone. Yeah, let alone anybody with some kind of trauma. And to just be able to give that to yourself, I think is so important. I was somebody who did not do that. I had kind of tried it out in my early adulthood and didn't really stick and thought it wasn't for me, and it just like looking back now I'm like, Oh, my gosh, like, Where would I be? You know, I mean, it's hindsight or whatever. But where would I be? Had I been able to do that? You know, for myself before becoming a parent. But yeah, so that's what I, I also hindsight,
Rowana Abbensetts-Dobson 30:44
hindsight is 2020. But you know, totally, it's just having some mercy with yourself, and just being gentle with yourself. And it's like, now I know, you know, and I know better, I'm gonna do better. Because this life thing does not come with an instruction manual, like whatsoever. I know, when I was younger, I used to think, you know, oh, when I grow up, like, I'll just know everything. And, you know, there's this one set path and everything will just happen, like, just like clockwork. And that's not how adulthood is actually actually no one knows what they're doing. But there's freedom in that, as well. So,
Jackie Leonard 31:36
yeah, we're all new to this every day. Every day older we get we're new to that experience, right? Yeah. I appreciate you reminding me of that grace, because that is something that I have to remind myself over and over and over again. But I do that quote, you know, once you know better, you do better, is really helpful because it's like, okay, well, I didn't know then. And now I know. But Exactly, yeah. I was just having so much fun talking to you know, even though we're talking about you know, heavy things, but yeah, I think it's so important. But as we wind down I do have some really some questions that I'm excited to ask of you because why not? One of them involves you reading a little bit of your writing. But first, could you share a song that you feel describes or helps embody your motherhood experience?
Rowana Abbensetts-Dobson 32:36
Okay, so I have not a song but some albums. So what came to mind with me, for me with this question was like, I tried to think about just my connection with my mom, and what music like we would listen to or what we bonded over. And she I guess it wasn't oldies to her. But it was like oldies to me, and she had like a record player. And she would play she had Michael Jackson's Thriller. She had Elton John's record, she had Lionel Richie, the one with like dancing on the ceiling and she had like a few Christmas records. And just around this time of year, in December, she would take out the record player and just start playing records while we're like decorating the tree. And that's like just some of my best childhood memories and you know, that's something I want to pass down like to my daughter as well I don't have a record player. You know, we're very modern. Now. I have like Spotify and YouTube. All of those things, but that's something my daughter and I currently connect on to like I don't know if it makes me seem like a bad mom but her her current favorite song. She doesn't know all the words but she just knows the rhythm. She likes industry baby by little NAS X it's just cute because she doesn't like she's just hummed it she's like and it's adorable. So that is my answer.
Jackie Leonard 34:47
I love that. I love the like the sense memory of thinking back to like times when music was used and all of those albums that you described, made me think of like celebration and dance and just like joy. Yeah. And so that's a really beautiful way to kind of create a soundtrack for motherhood. Yeah,
Rowana Abbensetts-Dobson 35:10
yeah. So I was like, I don't know if I, like I tried to think of like, maybe a song I was listening to. And I was like, around when I had given birth or something like that, but like, nothing struck me. But I was like, I do have some memories that are like, motherhood plus music. So try that. Yeah.
Jackie Leonard 35:33
You got creative with your answer. So I love that. The other thing I wanted to to share was Do you have some solicited mom advice, we've talked about some different types of advice already, but what some solicited mom advice that you would share with other moms, or a hack, something that you feel like you would highly recommend?
Rowana Abbensetts-Dobson 36:03
You know, maybe it's, like me being too hard on myself. But my first thought was just like, I don't even know if I have a handle on motherhood mother enough to like, give. So what else I have. But let me think.
Rowana Abbensetts-Dobson 36:25
Um, I would say I plan on having some kind of physical activity with your kids every day, especially if you have a really energetic child, because it will help with things like I mean, I feel like this is pretty standard, like bedtime, will, you know, go easier, because kids have a lot of energy and you have to let that out. So you know, whether it's sometimes I'll do kind of like a jog, and put some on in the stroller and like, I'm jogging plus pushing the stroller, or we go to the park. But just like plan on having some kind of, or like, you know, I get creative, like I like doing. This isn't really physical exercise. But like if we have a paint set, so sometimes we'll be painting and creating, like, to me, it's really important to just help spark her imagination. And she's like, very, very imaginative, and creative. So yeah, those are my just actual, just standard parenting advice packs,
Jackie Leonard 37:41
well, I would I would cosign those. And I think it's always good to read to like, hear it from other people, because it's something that I know. And I think just yesterday, like we didn't really get out and do a physical activity. And I have a four year old to very much you notice at the end of the day, if he has not been able to, like, go out and like play. And I'm like, Why do I keep doing this? I forget. And then I'm like, why is he crazy at bedtime? Oh, really got. And even for myself, it's like, you know, when you have take them out to do it, you're doing it as well and getting intentional activity. It's like, I can tell myself like, oh, I ran errands all day. So I did he didn't like cut out. And it's not, it's not the same. So I think that's really great to reiterate and hear again and again. So, so I appreciate it that myself, I think yeah, it's
Rowana Abbensetts-Dobson 38:29
good for both of you like sometimes, like, for me, I work from home. So like, I can get stuck in the house. Like, I couldn't get stuck in here when I know that. Like I love the sunshine, and we're down in Atlanta now. So it's like warmer and sunny. I'm from New York, so to change, speed change. And, like, I need that. And so it's like, it seems so natural that she would also need that. But I think as we get older, like further into adulthood, we we get used to like just suppressing like certain things or even the need to play or the need to dance like that's one of the like. Our favorite things to do in my house is to like just turn on some music and dance in the morning and every like my husband loves to dance. My daughter loves dance. We just dance. And it's just good.
Jackie Leonard 39:38
100% Yes. We just moved from where it was very sunny to where it's more gloomy and I have to be a lot more intentional. I think about if we have a good day where we can go out and it's not you know, raining or whatever. To do it versus being like kind of spoiled my whole life of being mostly sunshine and it's Good. I think it'll be better for me because I think I'll use them more. But But yeah, good reminder. Lastly, I would love for you to share a little bit of some of your writing with us all before you go. Sure. And tell us about it before you.
Rowana Abbensetts-Dobson 40:19
And well. So this is my first novel, it's called departure story. And it is a coming of age novel about a young woman who is from Guyana, where my family is from, and she's coming to America, she's got a scholarship to go to a school in the Midwest. And she comes here to study and ends up doing a whole lot more she ends up becoming kind of like an activist on campus, and helping to organize like the school dance team, and, you know, love and drama ensues, and all of that good, juicy teenage stuff. So I will read the first page. Across the world, millions of girls are sleeping, scrubbing, or cutting up vegetables and herbs at their mother's elbow. distracted, barely missing my fingertips nearly knocking over a vase with a broomstick, eyes wide and mouth ajar, constantly dreaming of America. They picture America like a sitcom with lots of predetermined funny moments, or like a sugary sweet pop song that plays over and over again during an endless summer. Now that I'm here, I can see that was one at that I was one of those naive girls, longing to slam a red locker door in the face of my dream boat boyfriend just before the lunch bell rings. But before I left home, I felt this itching to be close to my family in a way I'd never experienced before. It felt like the final goodbye even though I knew that wasn't true. True that somehow to me would go to a distant land to learn and grow away from everything I've ever known. But also part of me would always be distinctly different. Part of me would be damaged far away from my mother's watchful eye while other parts would freshly blossom, my sister and Nika and I would always be at odds but despite the eye rolls, and snide remarks, the Daily fights And the annoyance of sharing a bed with someone who sleeps in spread ego we had our soft moments are moments of joy, peace and comfort. And nega had grown even more cold and distant leading up to my departure and that's just the first page
Jackie Leonard 43:22
I love it. Thank you How can people get get a copy best get a copy of the book. You can
Rowana Abbensetts-Dobson 43:29
visit spoken black girl calm and think it's forward slash shop and the shop icon is also right there on the website and I will send you a signed copy of my book and it's also on Amazon. And you know everyone's like don't support Amazon but if you do want to buy it on Amazon I don't even have an issue with that just leave a review either either one of those works well for me.
Jackie Leonard 44:04
I love that I love that you know if you do need to do Amazon because it's easier or whatever. Leave me a review and that's how you can support me through yes, that channel. Thank you. How else can people connect with you after listening to you today?
Rowana Abbensetts-Dobson 44:21
Oh, I spend way too much time on Instagram so you can visit me on Instagram at spoken black girl or Twitter. I also spend a lot of time on Twitter at spoken black girl everywhere at spoken black girl and I'm usually pretty friendly and you can DM me and we can become internet friends. I'm open to it.
Jackie Leonard 44:49
Well as one of your internet friends. I have really enjoyed getting to talk to you on Zoom today and just hearing more of your story and And as a fellow writer, I just feel more inspired listening to you share and read from your book. So thank you.
Rowana Abbensetts-Dobson 45:07
Thank you so much for the opportunity. Jackie, you've been a phenomenal internet friend. And also, I'm so excited that I am in the next issue of microscope mag. And everybody go get that. Check it out. I can't wait to see it.
Jackie Leonard 45:26
Yes, I have to, I should share that too, as well. I interview Romana for the generations issue, which once this episode airs is available to order. It's it's about to ship out in the next week or two. So you will be able to get your hands on it. And it's beautiful. And you'll get to hear more about your story in those pages. So thank you for reminding me. Yes. And hopefully I'm going to put it out in the world will one day get to meet in person. So I would love that.
Rowana Abbensetts-Dobson 45:58
I would love that. I would love that. I I believe there's going to be some kind of like, women empowerment conference, and it's going to be all of these like, awesome power speakers and you're going to be one. I'm going to be one. I'm going to be like, like high five.
Jackie Leonard 46:18
Yes, we will. I'm gonna put that Thank you. Thank you. Yes, we will do that. All right. Bye.
Rowana Abbensetts-Dobson 46:26
Thank you so much. Bye, Jackie.