The Impact of Social Media on Motherhood with Lindsey Spelyng

ABOUT THE EPISODE

Lindsey Spelyng, mom to two and founder of MamaCommon is joining me on the podcast today and I’m so looking forward to you hearing this week’s conversation around social media and its impact on motherhood. When I'm needing to carve out conscious me-time or create intentional relationship practices with my partner, I always turn to Lindsey for guidance. She has always shown what it’s like to actually live out the advice and healthy recommendations that can be found for us in the online space. Social media can feel all consuming, so I hope this episode will help you learn some healthy boundaries.

 

TOPICS DISCUSSED

  • How women, especially mothers, unintentionally sideline their own needs and wants because of social media 

  • Recognizing the presence of overwhelm in your own life and steps you can take to overcome it

  • The importance of a “me-time routine” in your everyday life 

  • Why journaling is a great practice to offset the negative consequences of social media 

  • The reminder that no one is an expert in motherhood and using this to derail comparison 

  • Lindsey’s solicited mom advice – do you and stop apologizing

RESOURCES MENTIONED

THIS WEEK’S WRITING PROMPT

  • Reflect on your relationship with social media. When were you first introduced? How do you use it now? What do you value? What do you need less of?

ABOUT LINDSEY

LINDSEY SPELYNG is the founder + CEO of MamaCommon. She's a California native and a mom raising two daughters to be strong, curious and kind in partnership with her husband and best friend, Scot.

She spent 16 years working in pharmaceutical brand marketing which ultimately led her to a fork in the road– stick with the career she knew, or follow her heart that told her other women needed help and resources, as I did, to flourish more in motherhood.

This is where the vision for MamaCommon began, which makes her heart so full every single day. MamaCommon is a membership for growth-minded but time-strapped women to flourish in motherhood with classes, community and tools. 

Other things that make her heart full? A full-bodied cabernet, donuts, being in the mountains, doing at-home workouts and dreaming of our next vacation! Lindsey celebrates authenticity and vulnerability in herself and others more than anything and that’s the space she's looking to create at MamaCommon.

  • Jackie Leonard 00:04
    Hi, Lindsey, welcome to the podcast. Thank you for having me, Jackie. So to get us started, can you just share a little bit about yourself for those listening? Sure. So I am Lindsay spelling and I, as all of us mamas do wear many hats. Wife, I am a mom of two little ladies, I have a almost five year old and almost two year old. And I work in a full time job. And I am also side hustling. I'm the founder of mama common, which is a membership for growth minded, but time strapped women who are looking to flourish and motherhood and we offer classes, community and tools. So I am just so glad that we've reunited because we crossed paths. I think it was a little less than a year ago. And I love what you're doing with mother scope. So I'm just so grateful that you had me today. Yeah, when I met you through a mutual oh, gosh, what I call it like, well, it was the quench community that grace Black Sea runs, I, I felt like we had such a shared interest in supporting moms. And so I'm really looking forward to hearing you share more about your story and the things that you've noticed, and that are close to you right now. So the question that you've decided to share more about his, what's the motherhood story? That's the closest to your heart. So can you share about that?

    Lindsey Spelyng 01:38
    Yeah, you know, it's, I was thinking a lot about that. And I mean, I think naturally, since we're both kind of working and and living in this motherhood space, there are so many stories that feel close, but there there was one in particular that has really surfaced for me quite a bit over the last few months, and I think it was sort of a byproduct of me being new into the entrepreneur space and launching mama calm and just this past, you know, June, and I started to become acutely aware of it. And I also see see this in myself. And it's really just this idea of of social medias impact on on mom culture, because Hmong culture is a thing. And I think, you know, there's so much discussion right now, I think, in the, you know, in media, just around social medias impact on on teens and teen girls, and obviously, that that is a force to be reckoned with. But there's also such an impact on moms. And I don't think we talk about that a lot. And, you know, I think a lot of us, like we're busy moms are like half the day, we're about to like pull our hair out. And I think a lot of us take refuge in social media, you know, we just like a skateboard on the toilet while we're peeing and scroll Mindlessly scrolling on social, or, like, if we just want to kind of like insulate ourselves for a few minutes. We're like going on to social media, and you always hear people talk about mindless scrolling. But I feel like it's a lot more than that. And one of the things that I've realized is that, and I again, I see myself doing this, I realized this in myself, and it scares me is that I think you can follow all these different accounts on social media, and it can make you feel like you're part of something bigger than yourself, and it can make you feel like, your identity is something that maybe it's not, and it can make you feel like you're you're kind of living this life, following some of these other that you're not currently living, but it's not real. Like, it's not real. And, you know, I've thought about it a lot, you know, in particular with like, moms and motherhood. And I one of the lessons that I've learned with Mama calm and is that how I see how many of us moms, including myself, will sideline our own fulfillment as women, whether it's like, you know, our overall sense of fulfillment and overall sense of just like wellness as women doing motherhood, we sideline that either intentionally or unintentionally, because we're just living vicariously through other women on social media, you know, we're like, following all these other accounts that have inspirational quotes and are, you know, showing us that they're doing motherhood and one way or the other or they've got like the perfectly styled Instagram, or they're funny as hell, like, whatever it is, like all of us are following a lot of these other accountants, but I think it's easy to feel like you know, you're, you're fulfilled, and it's easy to feel like you know, you're growing as a person just because you're following a lot of those other people that are doing it, but it's not the same as doing the work yourself. As make as taking a look at like, how do you feel as a woman like how do you feel as a woman doing motherhood? Like how's your marriage? How do you feel about your confidence in parenting? How does your body image that So we've had kids, like how do you feel about your career since having kids like, don't just follow the accounts, like do the work and look internally. And so that's something that I've just been thinking about. And I really saw this kind of going through the motherhood, or sorry, going through my mom, a common journey over the last six months is how many women don't want to do that, how many women are just comfortable following other accounts on social media that are doing those things, but they're not really willing to do that work themselves to grow internally, like making that appointment with a marriage counselor, because your marriage is strained during parenthood or, you know, waking up early to work out because it helps you know, your your mind, de stress, or, you know, thinking about switching jobs that are more conducive of you like having a better work life balance, or like finding making that appointment to see a therapist like because you might like be dealing with undiagnosed depression or anxiety, but like you have to do that work. And it doesn't. It's not real, when you're just following other people doing it on social media. It's just not real. So I've, I've just been thinking a lot about that. Because again, I do it myself, and it scares me and like, I see how much I'm on social media from Mama comment. But then even just myself, and I'm following all these other accounts that are like, doing the things that I wish I was doing, but I'm not actually. It's something that I really, I talk about more with mana common, which is like, I don't want to say get off social media, but just like, do do the real work, get that real fulfillment, like actually do it. And don't just watch other people do it. So those are just some of the things on my mind. What do you think?

    Jackie Leonard 06:47
    Yeah, well, one of the things that came up when I heard you talking was, you know, when you're saying about how there's a lot of focus on teenagers, and like the worrying about our younger, you know, populations that are so immersed in social media, it's such a part of their culture in a different way, then, for those of us who are, you know, millennial, post millennial. But I was thinking about how mothers, you know, I was thinking about it from a business standpoint, when you think about business models and things that make money and all that stuff. I was really thinking about how we always talk about pain points, or I've heard a lot about this idea of pain points and targeting pain points. And so I was like, Who has more pain points than moms and how social media has like, become such, I mean, because because it is a an industry that makes a lot of money. Moms are targeted, because they're naturally like a very easy quote, unquote, target or a draw to, you know, to give money to different things by targeting their pain points. And obviously, this is where like influencers and all that come into where it's like, you're talking about this culture of, you know, lead it living by living, What is that expression where they say, where you're like living vicariously through other people, right. And so we, and I like, like you said, I do this myself, where it's like, I have different people I follow. And I started realizing I had a moment where I realized, like, oh, my gosh, I'm like, styling my home, or I'm trying to dress like this person that I follow without even realizing it. And to the point where when I would like, go online, or go to a store and look for things for my home, I'm like, I don't even know what if what I like is what I like, or if it's what I just see all the time, when I'm scrolling on social media that I haven't even figured out what is me anymore. And like you said, that can be really scary to realize that subconsciously, these like things are influencing us in a way that interferes with like, our identity and what we know about ourselves. Yeah, so it is something that I'm very curious about, but I'm also very, like I have a lot of empathy, or I feel really sad for like us as moms, because I don't think it's something that like, I mean, I think we can guard what we're doing and monitor how much we're on social media. But I do feel like it's something that you know, mothers are targeted in a way that is unfair, I guess I would say.

    Lindsey Spelyng 09:29
    Yeah, I totally agree. And I mean, even just hearing you say that, or it's like you're sort of like adopting these things that other women are doing or other like influencers are doing. I feel like that's one end of the spectrum, like where you're actually doing something, but I've seen a lot of women who don't do anything, they just become paralyzed. Like they're looking at all this stuff and they're just like, I don't I I can't do it or I don't want to do it or I'm just I'm just comfortable sitting on the sidelines watching all these other influencers or, you know, moms on Instagram, like living their best life, whether it's like, you know, by working on their marriage, or by being like the best positive parent or by like, you know, having their home kind of decluttered in the perfect way, but like, they're not actually doing it because they're paralyzed, or they just don't want to do it. So it's interesting. And like I said, I see myself doing it too, or I like, look, I scrolling Instagram, I'm looking at all these like other, you know, people that I follow, that are living a life that I wish I was living, but I'm not actually doing anything about it, you know, like, I follow this one, for example, with Mama calm, and I follow. Or I work with, you know, this amazing marriage counselor, Dr. Meredith Hansen, and I've done, you know, been working with her for many, many months. And I've recorded many classes with her. And I don't implement half the things that she suggests. And it's not because I don't want to, but it's just like, it's either that I think it's like so much information that we're receiving. And sometimes it's just like, I just, it's just not top of mind to do it. And I'm like, not doing the work myself. But it sort of feels like I have and I do have a great marriage, but it feels like my marriage is sort of like this awesome, like thing that I can put on a pedestal just because I happen to be like, working with this with this marriage counselor. And I'm like, following her account, I've followed her account for a long time. And it makes me feel like I'm like, living vicariously through her who's like, you know, teaching us all how to have a great marriage, but I'm not doing like, that she's like, taught me about or taught us about. So I think that's just something with social medias, it's like, I think, you know, and again, for women like us that are, you know, in the motherhood space, like, you know, for me with Mama calm, and I'm, my whole reason for being is trying to get, you know, women to flourish and motherhood. And there's so many aspects of motherhood that impact our journey, you know, your career, your mental health, like your home surroundings, your marriage, your friendships change, like your body image, like so many things that I think a lot of us just don't, don't do anything to change something that's not feeling good in any of those areas. We just kind of take refuge on social media. So I want to start talking about that more. It's like, and again, it's not the idea of getting off social media, but it's like, it's it's not the same when you watch someone else do it from the sidelines.

    Jackie Leonard 12:31
    Yeah, yeah, it reminds me of a few different things. As you're talking, I'm hearing. I'm hearing about a lot of like, I'm hearing a lot of shutdown, and avoidance, and like, not knowing what to do, or like how to start is like kind of a problem. And I think I saw an article recently, I have no idea how to reference it, because I just see, that's another problem, right? You see, like headlines all day, I don't know what it but I was reading something about this concern around how mental health has become kind of a buzzy thing on social media. So like people, it was basically saying that people think they're in therapy because they just like read a lot of different like little blurbs on social media from like, therapists that have big followings. And that that, like makes them think they you know, have a good grasp on you know, how to how to navigate their mental health or, you know, past childhood things. And they're able to just get through that way without doing therapy and how there's a problem, right? Where it's like, this is like not real versus real. Obviously, those those things are helpful, and they can be really illuminating for people, I think that maybe they could inspire somebody like, oh, this makes a lot of sense. I should go, you know, get a therapist, but what about the people that just stay in the camp that you're talking about where that's all you're relying on, that's all you're using, and you're kind of stuck after because of that. It also reminds me of something I've heard Brene Brown talk about in her new book, where the difference between stress and overwhelm. And she she defines them both and said that she realized that like she and every a lot of a probably everybody uses those words interchangeably, but they're very different. Whereas like stress is something that you can that is difficult, but that you can manage and overwhelm is like, the only way to overcome overwhelm, is by not doing anything, like shutting everything out, going on a walk, stopping what you're doing, until you can like, come down from that. And how when we use the word overwhelm, it tells our bodies to shut down. And so if we keep telling ourselves out loud, like I am overwhelmed, which I guess I'm doing that to myself and we don't stop what we're doing and go rest really then And we're like telling our bodies to shut down. So anyways, not to like go down a rabbit hole. But I'm just, I'm just sensing that, if that's what if people are not doing if we are not doing what we want to do if we see these things, but we're not actually applying them to our lives. I just like, it speaks to maybe an overwhelm where like, basic needs aren't getting met, we're not able to, like, shut everything off and take a break. And I just wonder how we can create that and like high, high stress or, you know, when we're, we feel like we're putting out fires? Where do we start? I think that's what for myself, I always feel like I don't know what to do. I don't know where to start.

    Lindsey Spelyng 15:43
    I think that's, that's a very astute comment just around the impact of overwhelm. Because I think it mean, it's so pervasive and motherhood, like you're just you're, you're so overburdened with all the things that you have to get done. And I think it like, magnifies that by a million when you're going on to social media and just seeing like, all these recommendations from people, like all these accounts, like you should be doing this, you should be doing that, like consider this, consider that and you're just like, you don't even need to, you don't even know where to start. But I think I personally, I mean, to answer your question, I feel like it starts with like, shutting, shutting all the chatter off, like turning off the social media turning off the TV. And I think a perfect way to figure out like, where to start is by implementing a me time routine. And that's where I have like my most like introspective moments, is in my morning me time, like, I started doing that, because I had awful postpartum depression with my, my second daughter and 20. And I was just feeling like, hopeless and lost and purposeless. And I just take all the things and ultimately, it sort of, I ended up getting on medication, which helped, like, it was like miraculous, but it also ended up leading to the development of mama comment, because I realized, like, so many women are feeling like a sense of, you know, identity loss and motherhood and, and not fulfilled that they just can't really put their finger on what it is that something just doesn't feel right. And, and then there's a lot of women that are feeling anxiety and depression, it might not be you know, you might not need medication, but but still like dealing with some of that. And anyways, just sort of like going through that process. I I started this new time routine where I like I started waking up at five in the morning, just so I could have like, an hour and a half of time by myself to some things where I could like channel my thoughts. So I do like a guided. Like, I can't just stare at a blank piece of paper, a blank piece of paper, but I have like this prompt journal. And I kind of go through some of these like self reflection types of questions. There's like some gratitude questions. I put like a little affirmation card and I get that it sounds cheeseball. But honestly, like, that's the time of day where I get to like, reflect and think like what's not working right now? What are great that all these other things are happening on social media, but what for me feels like it's draining me. What in my, what do I get energy from but I'm not doing enough of like, maybe you would answer that by saying like, I my body image is shit. Like, I don't feel good about my body big after having kids, and it's ruining my day, every day because my pants are tight. Okay, well, like, let's think about that a little bit more like what what are the thing and then it can lead you to a path about like, if that's the number one thing that's on your mind that's draining your energy that's making you feel like unfulfilled? Like do you want to do something about it? Or do you not because I think if you do then you can start to think about like, okay, like maybe we could start coming up with like a nutrition plan or working out whatever it is, like if if you're doing the self reflection and you're thinking like, my marriage is not in a good place right now. Then you can start to think about like, do I want to do something about it? Or do I not and then you can kind of like map out what the steps are but I think it has to come from soul searching and getting off social media and sitting there and thinking about like for you. To me it's two questions. It's one what's draining your energy right now. And to what fulfills me that I'm not doing enough of and you just take it from there. But anyways, bringing bringing it kind of like back is I think you're right like if you're just looking on social media and you're just being like exposed to so much stuff. It's absolutely overwhelming because that's on top of like your day job and being a mom and a wife and all that stuff. So I think you almost just have to like remove yourself from all this stuff. And sit there and just have a have a private moment every day where you can just like process and think about what matters to you and, and what do you need to do to feel good?

    Jackie Leonard 20:05
    Yeah, I mean, I, I love that you brought up, you know, the the routine or the tangible solution that you came up with that really led to a breakthrough for you because I'd had such a similar reaction. And the thing for me, that, that I know about myself, and I think most people can probably apply to this is I think social media represents this illusion of perfectionism, right? And I think perfectionism or like, the search for perfectionism, is paralyzing. And, and so, I, I, to get candid, I was in a therapy session, and I remember talking about, like, she was saying, you know, I really think you need to sit down and write or, you know, have some, you know, quiet time to yourself. And I was like, Yeah, but we just moved here, and like, I have nowhere that I can go hear that I feel comfortable. And like, normally, I would like to like, you know, have a nicely like, you know, put together room and my book and it be quiet and light a candle, and she's like, you're making it like to like it has to be too perfect for you to do it. And I think if you just like sit down, and you know, start and just like lower, you know, set your expectations a little lower, and see how you feel, then you can work from a place of okay, now I think I need to focus, like, I'm realizing that I need this. So now, anyways, it's about taking a step back and making it simple before you look at the big picture. And I think a lot of times, we want to create these situations, or we social media especially gives us this idea of like, oh, I want to go on that like weekend getaway, that's gonna be exactly what I need to like, totally fill me up. And a lot of times, it's just like a little micro, you know, like a 1% change, that can really open up those doors for you. Because to be honest, even if you did go on that weekend getaway, it's probably not going to feel like you're going to come back home. And it's still going to be chaos, if you haven't gotten to that, like soul searching that you're talking about. And that's why I talked about even just writing for five minutes, and you spoke to journaling, like, if you need a structured planner, or like a journal that gives you the prompts that will help you out or if you like the free blank pages, whatever it is to just sit down and be with yourself is such a, you know, makes such a difference. I'm actually on like day nine in a row of like writing every day and just really forcing myself to do it. And I do have to force myself. I don't always want to do it. But it really makes such a huge difference.

    Lindsey Spelyng 22:41
    I agree. And I don't know why there's such a second in it, or I guess I just don't know why journaling sort of like turns a lot of people off. I don't know if there's this, I mean, maybe I get it, like this perception that you're just like writing novels. And it has to be this like eloquent thing. And I just don't think that has to be that way. You know, I think that the word journaling can sometimes make, you know, just make people feel like, Oh, I can't do that, like I don't know how to write. And it's just not even about that. It's just like, whatever's coming to mind. And that's why I'm a big fan of like the the guided journals, because sometimes like and there's so many great ones out there. One of my favorite ones is by Nina Patel, and it's called start where you are such a great journal, and it just has like a question a day. And they're really deep questions where you have to kind of like think about it. But I think just allowing yourself to, you know, go through that process that can uncover some really interesting things about maybe what is missing in your life, or what you need more of.

    Jackie Leonard 23:45
    Yeah, I always like to say the writing either like gets it out. So you don't have it in you anymore. And it also allows you to see what you need, in a way that we don't realize, even if we're thinking about it all the time, when we see it on the page, or you notice that you're writing about it five days in a row, you're like, Okay, this is a problem. This is something that I need help with. And then, you know, it becomes like something that feels like you can confront it in a different way. And I guess the lesson here the thing that I'm noticing is like the answer is probably not on social media. So it's like just take that time and and I think I honestly blame I think school and the way we teach writing for why a lot of us are like, frozen by the idea turned off by the idea of writing because there's been such a like, so much drilled into people's head about what's correct writing but like, literally you can just like make a list. One day like I was stressing out it was Sunday, I was stressing out and my husband and I was like I didn't get done what I needed to do. I wanted to catch up on all these things. And now I'm too tired to do anything and my husband was kind of like, well, maybe you should just like write down Everything that you're afraid you're gonna forget. And then you know, you can look at it tomorrow. And I was like it, it totally like blew my and I know, I know this, I've done it before, but it like blew my mind in that moment and I did it and I felt like a million times better and I was so much more productive I met on Monday. And it doesn't have to be like you said this, like, you could cross out words, you never have to read it again either, and it still has a benefit.

    Lindsey Spelyng 25:31
    Totally agree, I love it. And that's why I love so much what you what you do with mother scope, just like celebrating the women that have put pen to paper and that are telling their stories. Because it just I think it sometimes when you when you read something, you see it and you're like, you're not standing like face to face with somebody and there's like personality, you know, dynamics or whatever. But you can just read neutral words, it really just can land on you in a very impactful and different way. I know personally, like I'm a very like audio person, like visual and like I read a ton. And when I read things, it just really kind of connects to me, connects with me. And it allows me to sort of, like personalize that and translate that into my own world. And I just love what you're doing. Because I think it really, it celebrates and I think it creates more awareness and amplifies like how important those stories are and how much they can help people.

    Jackie Leonard 26:27
    Yeah, well, thank you for saying that. I think you know, we're speaking to similar. We're trying to address the same things through for different channels. And I think, you know, you mentioned to me that you're focusing more on in person, which I think addresses the the problem that you saw where it's like we're seeing a lot, but we're not doing and so you're helping moms do and for me, I was like, we're hearing so much noise about what motherhood is, that's not real. And so like, how can we like replace that with like, the real, you know, voices and our own voices? And so yeah, I heard somebody wants to say like, Oh, don't start a mom business, because it's oversaturated. And I was just like, Well, maybe it's oversaturated, because we're still trying to figure out how to help. We haven't gotten there just yet. So I really appreciate, you know, anyone that's doing the work to do it in a way and help reach moms on the soul level, like, you know, get deep and get into who we are versus you know, here's another gadget you need, or, you know, here's something else that you're not doing that I can bring to your attention. Talking about social media, I remember when the pandemic had I kept seeing moms posting about, like, the schedules they were making, they're like, you know, now and we're gonna do all these things. And I was just like,

    Lindsey Spelyng 27:56
    oh, yeah, I did that. The COVID schedule, and it lasted for like three days. And I was like, this is not reality TV from 12 to five, basically.

    Jackie Leonard 28:09
    Yeah, I was like, this is survival mode. We are not doing like color coded schedules. But even though I knew like, I couldn't do it, I was like, I felt like there was something wrong because I was not doing it. So oh my gosh, anyway, a good example. And, you know, not to you know, not to call anyone out, but like, sure enough, like a few weeks in and I stopped seeing those posts, cuz I was like, yeah, that's not happening anymore.

    Lindsey Spelyng 28:35
    And then, it was like, initially, everybody started posting it, they're color coded. And then you're right. A few weeks later, everyone was like, No, that's actually done. No one's gonna do that. Because it doesn't

    Jackie Leonard 28:47
    you know, we're all figuring it out. And I think you know, just like realizing that nobody really knows 100% Nobody wins. No one's the expert. I keep thinking like every day I'm a mom to a child that is different than the day before. So we're like learning every single day nobody's an expert here. We can help each other out we have different insight and all that but but that's that's the reality. So I'm really appreciate you bringing up this topic. Social media has come up here and there in the most recent interviews I've done and I think it's something that's top of mind for people. I do value it so much because you know, I think about like, I probably wouldn't have met you through social media and there's so many different ways that we can reach people that through that, you know, channel that medium, but you know, being intentional with it is what I'm hearing a lot of and it really does take you know, some effort and it takes stepping away and really examining and, and that can be hard unless if we don't know what is coming up for us and so, I love the idea of me time and a routine and journaling It is just the best way to do that. I think I always say you can have a pencil and paper, like, you know, it's the easiest, sometimes you can't get out of your house to go on a walk, even sometimes it's not accessible in the moment. But usually you can sit down and either grab your phone or paper and write something. And so I appreciate you bringing that up. Yes. So before we go, I have a couple of questions or three questions for you to answer that I asked everybody. The first is, what's a song that you would use to describe your motherhood experience?

    Lindsey Spelyng 30:37
    I would say let it go from Frozen. Because I mean, obviously, that's top of mind because my kids listen to it on repeat for the last three years. But I think it I've been thinking a lot about the idea of how much we should ourselves and motherhood and how we should, what we should be doing, how we should be behaving how our house should look how we should be parenting, it's just so many shoulds. And I read something recently, and it just really resonated with me, I can't I can't even remember where it was, but it was a it was a couple of months ago. And it was this like, girl, I've been on social media. But it was this girl and she like went to this barbecue. And oh, no, she was hosting a barbecue and she was, you know, I need to come up with my menu for the barbecue. And I need to like have all my food, like homemade, and I need to make the ranch dip. And you need to do all this stuff and make it from scratch and have this gorgeous menu. And, and like she didn't have time to do all that. And there was you know, just dealing with the house and kids and she just like didn't have time to do that. So she ended up just like buying stuff from like Whole Foods or like Ralph's or whatever. And like when when people ended up coming over, nobody noticed. Nobody said to her, like, why didn't you have make all of your food from scratch? Like, what why? Why is this pre made food what's going on and, and she was kind of like writing about this. And she was just like, it just dawned on me that like, my value isn't like, my value is that I'm I have good conversation. And my value is that I'm a good friend. And my value is like my presence and be in fostering these relationships that I have my value as a person is not because I made this, you know, like seven layer dip by scratch. Nobody cares about that. So why am I telling myself that I should be doing this. And I read this and it just like really resonated with me just about the idea of like, letting go like, are trying to maybe never fully realize that but just trying to like, let go of like, what you think people expected you because I don't think people really expect that stuff from us. I think we expect that of ourselves. And it obviously bothers a lot of us. So let it go.

    Jackie Leonard 32:52
    I love that. So that that you kind of gave some advice in the last question. But do you have any solicited mom advice that you haven't shared yet, or a mom hack that you feel like has been key to just maintaining your sense of self or your sanity? As a mom?

    Lindsey Spelyng 33:14
    I think it's to do you and to stop apologizing, and I feel like stop apologizing sounds so like it's a very like overused term right now. But it's very much like tied to the last comment that I made, which is like, I think if you start to think about like how how much shoulds are dominating your, like currents like perspective on how you're living your life, it's something to think about, you know, because you're you're living for other people. And so I think it's just this idea of just like stop apologizing that you didn't make the seven layer dip stop apologizing, that you've got, like shit on the floor. Totally that you didn't clean up and people came over stop apologizing that your house isn't like this curated, like perfect place, like stop apologizing. And, and I think the second thing is just to do you and I think like that's such a like a core part about mom, like encouraging moms to like, do you like it's okay to have aspirations and desires and it's okay not to feel good. And there's always a path to feel better, but it's just like accepting and wanting to do you so I'd say those things.

    Jackie Leonard 34:27
    Very good. Lastly, what's something that you watched or listened to or read recently that you want to recommend to the rest of us?

    Lindsey Spelyng 34:38
    I would say the book that has really left an imprint on me is is Big Magic. by Elizabeth Gilbert. I'm sure you read it. You're nodding your head. It's just it's just so amazing. Because I think one of the things that a lot of women and lose once they mothers is is inspiration feeling inspired because you can just you're just like going through the rigmarole of like day to day life and it can sometimes just meet oftentimes leave you feeling very uninspired. And I think a big part of inspiration is creativity like feeling like you've got like creative juices because that just like lights your soul on fire. And when I read this book, I read it the year before I launched mama calm and because I've had the mama calm idea for many years, it kind of took like different shapes and forms, but I had it there. And I read this book, and I just felt like, it just gave me this like zing of, of inspiration about like, how important my creativity is, and how much she like, we all need to like, tap into that creative part of ourselves. And not creative in the sense of just like painting or like, you know, being a writer. I mean, those are like the obvious things. But creativity is like such a big topic. It can mean so many things like creative ideas, creative projects, creative aspirations, like it's, it's such a broad word. And I think we just need more room for creativity in our lives. Because like, once you get that, I think just like the inspiration that it can unlock, it just feels so good. So I think that that's a member of love for me for sure.

    Jackie Leonard 36:11
    Yeah, that's a good one. I haven't thought of that book in a while. But just the idea of embracing play and creativity to spark that light in us is huge. And I think living kind of what feels like sometimes mundane life, especially compared to pre motherhood can make us think that there isn't opportunities for those sparks, but they're there. So yeah, that's a great one. Thank you. Thanks so much, Lindsay for you know, sharing more about mama comment, but also just your experience as a mom and the things that are closest to you right now. So I really appreciate you taking the time to speak to this very important, but tough issue. I think

    Lindsey Spelyng 37:00
    that's such a good conversation and you kind of got me thinking about some different topics. So I appreciate you having me.

    Jackie Leonard 37:07
    Yeah, thank you.

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