The Consequences of Sex Misrepresentations in the Media with Dr. Rose Schlaff [Part 2]
ABOUT THE EPISODE
Today’s episode is the second part of my conversation with Dr. Rose Schlaff, so if you haven’t tuned into last week’s episode, be sure to do that before listening to this week. We are continuing our discussion on the consequences of sex in the media. Specifically, today we are talking about different things we can do to combat the negative influence of sex as it has been depicted and ways that we can deepen our relationships with ourselves and with our partners. I can’t wait to hear your takeaways now that our full conversation has been published!
TOPICS DISCUSSED
Breaking down the pressure to perform and be perfect during moments of intimacy and sex
Knowing there’s nothing wrong with you if you’re finding it hard to shift your beliefs around intimacy and sex
The reward found in continued practice and effort in the bedroom with your partner
How peak pleasure is opposite for men and women but this isn’t something that’s shown often in media today
The role that consent plays in enjoyment but how it’s demonized on so many TV shows and movies
Understanding the impact that we have as one person in our relationship, family, and society.
RESOURCES MENTIONED
WRITING PROMPT
What did you learn from this conversation with Dr. Rose Schlaff about intimacy and sex? What is one takeaway you plan to apply to your life in the name of pleasure?
GUEST BIO
DR. ROSE SCHLAFF (she/her) is a sex/intimacy coach and pelvic floor physical therapist who has spent the last 5 years helping women and queer folks break down barriers to intimacy so they can feel confident, connected, and carefree in their relationships in and out of the bedroom.
In addition to her virtual sex/intimacy coaching practice, she is a guest lecturer for the University of Michigan’s Human Sexuality Certificate Program, San Diego State University’s Marriage and Family Therapy Program, and has had the opportunity to lecture internationally on the topic of sexual and pelvic health in Beijing, China.
To learn more, go to https://www.bewellwithrose.com/learn-more, check out Dr. Rose on instagram @bewellwithrose, or get in touch with Dr. Rose at bewellwithrose@gmail.com.
CONNECT WITH ROSE
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Jackie Leonard 46:17
Yeah, yeah. I, as you were talking, I was hearing this idea of, like, pressure that you have that, I mean, I would say as somebody who identifies as a woman and mom, like, the pressure to perform, or just the professor, the pressure to be perfect. And all these things, like I'm hearing just so much of the like perfectionism getting in the way, yeah. Because through these scenes that that I mentioned, and through like, even things like romance novels, I think they're, I think, maybe it's, you know, social media and all this, like, it's just like, built this, this expectation that things look and feel a certain way. And if they don't, then it's like, we're like, trying to create these perfect scenarios, I guess. And they're just not like, they're not going to happen. And so it's like, we can get it here. And it can look like this, but it's maybe like, you know, read the romance novel? Uh, huh. Let's see how that you know, how that gets you feeling. But recognize that like, in the real life, it's not going to quite, you know, be like that in the novel, like, use that as a tool versus use that as an expectation. And I think, exactly, that's kind of somehow I think, the perfectionism that we, I often feel or just other people, it's like, I've told people, I remember somebody said to me, gave me the advice, like, oh, just, you know, create this little like area in your room, and like, do some meditation and stretching and, you know, light a candle? And I'm like, when I don't know, well, yeah, when, and then like, I'm gonna do it in this corner, and then I'm gonna see like, the clothes on the floor, I'm gonna say, like, I'm trying to create that situation, but I have to do all this work to get there. And they're like, well, then you need to go outside your house, you know, and it's like, hey, I need to do whatever you need to. But also, I think the work is so mental, you know, like, the work is so mental, because it's like, if I'm allowing, if I'm limiting my my ability to have pleasure to, you know, tap into passion, and you know, just be more fulfilled in my life. If I'm limiting it to these perfect situations, then I'm basically like closing that off to myself.
Rose Schlaff 48:36
Absolutely. It's like, it's like only being open to a dinner that's at a gourmet restaurant. Right? When there's so many different reasons why we eat different dinners, right? Our energy level, the the food and our frigerator, right, like, the preferences. And just like we have a variety of family dinner menus, right? Sometimes we're eating out sometimes for eating gourmet, sometimes we're getting, quote unquote, fast food, even if you don't eat fast food, you're just doing like, your version of the fast food, the five minute fix food. And what I would love for people to do, if you're listening to this podcast and resonating, is create a menu for yourself, right? Like, okay, what's our gourmet meal out and just acknowledging, maybe that happens once a year, maybe it happens once a month, whatever your frequency is, but that's not the expectation every time. Okay, what's 5% less than that? What's 5% less than that, what's 5% less than that going down the line until you're getting to a place where you're like, we're both tired, and we just masturbate next to each other and go to sleep, right? Like that's our fast food or whatever your fast food is, but I think that can take a lot of the pressure off. And you're having this conversation of like, Would you be okay with that? Yeah. Would that be better than nothing? Yeah. Right? Instead of telling ourselves, oh, my god, like the gourmet meal sounds exhausting, and I just don't have any energy for it. And my partner's going to be disappointed if we don't go gourmet. Whereas in reality, you're probably like, fast food is better than going hungry. So,
Jackie Leonard 50:21
right, I was just thinking, like, the analogy is like, you have to nourish yourself either way, right? So it's like, are you gonna deny yourself completely? Are you gonna, you know, eat the fast food, so to speak.
Rose Schlaff 50:30
Right? Right. And, and I also want to name this is, this is hard work to do on your own to change your beliefs, right? Remember that, that well walked path. And if you're feeling like, you walk away from this podcast, and you're like, gosh, I'm trying these things. But it still feels really hard and, or these thoughts still feel really sticky. It's really hard to shift my beliefs. What's wrong with me, I want you to know, there's nothing wrong with you. And a lot of the time, we need other humans with us to help us shift just like we were talking about. And sometimes we need a guide as well. And whether that's therapy, whether that's working with a coach like me, whether that's getting a community together to have these kinds of conversations, just knowing we are not meant to do this alone. We are not meant to do this alone. Humans are social creatures, we're meant to be in a tribe. We're meant to be able to support one another with all things this included, we've just forgotten how to and society has told us that it's wrong to talk about it. So there's nothing wrong with you if you're having a hard time shifting by yourself. So understandable.
Jackie Leonard 51:42
Yeah, totally. And I think the other thing i The resonated for me was this idea, like you talked about, you know, going away on a romantic getaway being like the thing that we aspire to, and we kind of use sometimes as like, Oh, I'll do I'll do I'll have this wonderful, passionate time when I can do that. A lot of times when you end up doing that, they're actually not quite. And so we're like, kind of, I mean, again, we're, we're conditioned to seek this perfectionism, and it's not even attainable. I guess, I've, I think I've shared this before, but I went away. For an overnight thing, work related. And I was like, dreaming, I had been dreaming about having like, an over like, a night away by myself. And it was it was relaxing. I mean, it was still good. But it wasn't like, I was still thinking about my kids. I still, you know what I mean, I was like, I couldn't completely turn it off. And all that is to say is that things just look different? Like, I think a lot of times, like I said earlier, it's like, I think about what it felt like before. And I haven't allowed, I'm still doing some like work around, like, realizing that I can still really enjoy the way things are now even though like, it's gonna be different from the past. And the other thing that's important about the past, I think you brought up like sex in your 20s or teens or whatever. And it's like, I'm sure. Memory has kind of glossed over. That was still awkward that weren't Oh, yeah. But I mean, it's like you brought up like, the way first times are depicted in me in entertainment. And it's like, it's it's not realistic, right. And so I think a lot of kind of trick ourselves into thinking that we're missing out on something that's really not that great. Or it isn't, that doesn't look quite the way that we are fantasizing it to be
Rose Schlaff 53:44
right. And I don't know about you, but I've never had a first time with a partner be better than the 100th. Right. I think that learning each other's bodies, learning each other's preferences. Having that emotional intimacy that builds over time, for me, is what makes sex and intimacy really enjoyable and pleasurable. And when I say sex, I want to name that I'm not talking about penis and vagina, like, I'm, I'm definitely not talking about it for me, because I'm queer. And my partner is a woman, but I'm talking about all people, right? Because sex can look a lot of different ways, right? And maybe it's making out one day maybe that's your fast food, maybe it's, you know, touching or kissing or, you know, kissing different areas of your body. Right, all of that is sex. And I think that when we put the pressure on, it has to be intercourse and it has to end in simultaneous orgasm. And the first time it's got to feel like the first time every time I don't want it to feel like the first time the first time wasn't as good as this time. Usually. Yeah,
Jackie Leonard 54:51
so there is reward in the like, continued practice and effort. And that's another thing like we don't see You represent it very often at all, the only I did have a memory of watching. There was a show Jane the Virgin? Oh, yeah, you know, had some things that I was like purity culture is kind of like joked around about, but also like a little prophetic. But she gets married and has sex for the first time, you know, traditional sex for the first time. And it's not that great. And she had built it up to be this like grand event. And they have to communicate, and they have to talk about and they have to try different things. And, you know, I thought that was really kind of a good attempt to show just that it's not so like, it's very not, it's rarely ever, you know, a home run in the first swing.
Rose Schlaff 55:51
Yeah, and I just think back, like, you know, you see your past through rose colored glasses that I'm like, I know that I didn't know my body as well, as I do. Now. In my 20s, I know that I did not feel as comfortable taking up space. For my pleasure. I know that I didn't feel as comfortable communicating my needs and wants. I know that I was way more focused on others. And so my experience in my 20s was very much what can I do to make my partner feel good? How can I move my body to look good to my partner? Right, I was not experiencing sex for myself. And I think that's a lot of people's experience in their 20s. And, and just balancing, balancing that rose colored memory of, yes, there were some great things. But yeah, there were some things that like, really weren't that great. And I'm continuing to work on them, continuing to strengthen that, that Less Traveled path and continuing to practice. Even though I talked about this all the time. I just told my partner, like, oh, I had a thought this time that I was being too bossy. And she's like, No, not at all. But that's still comes in my head. And just naming that and that little interaction, I was able to shift. So next time, oh, she's already affirmed that I wasn't too bossy. So I don't have to worry about that next time. Right. But it's that same thing, things that are brought to the light vulnerability, inhibit shame. As soon as we make the implicit explicit, we can begin to connect and move forward as a team.
Jackie Leonard 57:37
Yeah, and the communication within your relationship is so important to and, you know, I feel like that could be a whole other discussion. But I, I love this idea. It's so like, how exciting to think that it's, there's not like an endpoint that can continue to progressively improve. And I remember this statistic, and it's from like, years ago, I remember reading this probably like Cosmo, so it was probably referencing, that was another source, same time. But it was probably referencing like heterosis, or like male females, you know, I'm sure it trends in all areas, but it was basically saying that for men that they're like sexual peak is in like, their early 20s. And for women, it's like in the 40s, you know, 40s to 50s, maybe. And I thought and, you know, I was reminded of that as you're talking because it's like, how that has kind of not really been represented, right? We haven't seen that. But there's, you know, even though those are the ages that, you know, people are parenting and stuff, that could be the time that you've had the most pleasure and your your sex life. And so all of these things like it's possible to improve and get better and that that can continue over your lifetime is something that should be more empowered, like we should feel empowered by but I guess it's like, I think you said this earlier. It's like about who you surround yourself, right? Yes. Only surround ourselves with the images that show it a different way. We're not seeing the reality and what's possible.
Rose Schlaff 59:18
Yeah, well think about any other skill or activity that you do again, and again, in your life, you get better at right every time I go rock climbing I'm I'm better at rock climbing, right? Every time I cook, I'm becoming a better cook every time I you know, drive to La I'm learning the route better. So why wouldn't sex be the same thing? I'm learning my body better. I'm learning how to communicate better, especially when you have the same partner. And you're able to just master this skill, like oh my god, I'm so excited, like stoked for sex in my 60s. It's gonna be great. So I'm going to know so much. I'm going to be so comfortable in my body. Be I'm going to give no apps about like communicating anything, right? We're just going to continue to grow and build. And I just think media doesn't represent that at all.
Jackie Leonard 1:00:13
I don't think it also represents, like long term or like, yes, like, celebrates long term relationships.
Rose Schlaff 1:00:21
Yeah, you're boring. We're not. Yeah.
Jackie Leonard 1:00:25
Exactly. So it's like, you know, any of the TV shows you watch or whatever, there's always the long term couple that, you know, something has to, you know, something has to happen to shake it up, or, you know, affairs and all this stuff are glorified. And I think the message there is that, you know, like you said, long term is boring. And I think like you said, this idea of mastery and a longer term relationship for people who, you know, want to be monogamous. There's reward there, and you need to kind of go where you hear about that? And at least know it's possible. Yeah, instead of only filling your kind of frame of reference with, yep. What we dramatize,
Rose Schlaff 1:01:07
yeah, I just, I'm just thinking about so many of my clients who are parents who I know the word efficiency is not sexy, but I just think there's such emotional intimacy that is built in a long term relationship, there's such intimacy and being co parents, with your partner, and I have so many clients who are like, we're able to have a really satisfying experience together very efficiently, very quickly. And I think that if we are downplaying the importance of all connection in that area, you know, again, saying, if it's not gourmet, it's not worth it. If it's not like a three hour bubble bath, you know, massage with 45 minutes of foreplay, right? Like that is so important to and beautiful when you get it. But if the reality of your life is, we have shorter amounts of time together, we have shorter amounts of energy, we've been up late with young kids. If you have diminished capacity, you can still have a very, like satisfying and efficient and enjoyable and connected experience of intimacy. When we take the pressure off, and we take off the Oh, it's gonna look like the movies where it starts raining, and then you carry me inside, and then we throw your back out. And then
Jackie Leonard 1:02:42
yeah, well, you you I read an email from one of your newsletters that talked about working with a client and suggest recommending taking sex off the table for 30 days. Yeah. And I, I just loved what you shared in that. Especially I wanted to like kind of just, you know, try to not go too far into this, but just the topic around like consent. Yeah. I feel like for women, that's something that's a there's so many blocks that we can have, like you said, it's hard to do to like work through things on your own. And I think that the other thing that we don't see a lot is this, like this notion of consent and, though and conversations and talking about what's Okay, and what's not, okay, that's not sexy, right? Or that's not, you know, it's awkward. But I think all of those things are so important, especially when we've been conditioned to try to please others, right. And so I think, in our intimate relationships, it's like having those conversations. It's like, sometimes taking the, you know, the traditional sex that we kind of any kind of sexual activity, but especially like the the sex off the table, can like free you up to looking at like what your own wants and needs are and what's okay and what you're not okay with, in a way that I don't think we believe a lot a lot of us believe we're able to do. And I think that's so important, I loved you know, in talking with you just the idea of intimacy, can be awkward, can be fun, can be playful, can be sexy can be you know, passionate and spontaneous. It can be scheduled and in a routine and it can be quick and slow. Like all the things you know, all of those things are possible and they can also happen at the same time something can be awkward and still really like hot sex medicines. You know what I mean? It's like those things can happen together. But I think we are very either or. Yeah, so I guess I'm moving away from the consent thing, but I think consent plays a huge role in what we're how we're able to enjoy something.
Rose Schlaff 1:05:06
I agree. And I think that this is something that there's almost no time spent on TV and media and movies. And I've actually seen it. Like, almost the opposite, where consent is demonized, in reality dating shows like The Bachelor or, you know, like other shows that I've seen, I've seen women be like, Oh, he like asked if he could kiss me. And it was like, so awkward, right? Instead of like, I just want him to grab me and lay one on me. Right. And I think that's really problematic and dangerous. And I think that it's teaching people who are socialized as men, that consent is not sexy consent is not attractive. They, they should just be taking action. And the onus is on whoever they're taking action towards, to say yes or no, but we know that fight flight freeze fun to have our nervous system responses, survival mechanisms, freeze, and fawn, we are not able to say no, in the moment when we don't want something. And sometimes we've been so socialized to be very aware of what another person wants or needs, that we're not even really fully sure. If it's a no until later until we're like, oh, that didn't, that didn't feel that great. And so there's so many pieces here that are at play, because of our culture and naming all of that. And practicing consent in little ways. Again, we have not strengthened this pathway. So I oftentimes will talk about the the term rolling consent where it's like, even if something was okay, one day, it's not just assumed that it was okay, right. Like if you came over to my house, Jackie, and I offered you tea and you said yes, that day, and you wanted tea, and you wanted Earl Grey tea, but then the next time you came over to my house, I had Earl Grey tea waiting for you. And you were like, Oh, actually, I it's 4pm. And I don't want to drink caffeine. And I was like, why don't you want the tea? I thought you wanted it. That's you liked it last time, right? So we're It's so silly when we think about consent and other areas of our life for like, Oh, of course you wouldn't assume or get upset if I didn't want that tea. But in the bedroom, it there are so many emotions and so much ego and confusion around it. And so I really encourage my clients to create, like a red, yellow and green list. So green being this is my 100% of the time I always say like, if you ever want to give me a massage, shoulder massage, you don't have to ask that's 100% Hell yes. For me. That is a big time. Yes. But the yellow items are usually like most things in between, right? Where were, we just need to be asked, sometimes I'm in the mood, sometimes I'm not right in, then the red is something that you're never in the mood for. And what I love about having a period of time where you're taking sex off the table, you're able to kind of slowly re integrate and slowly re add things and have these consent conversations that we may have never been able to practice in our relationship.
Jackie Leonard 1:08:39
Yeah, and it's so true that for so many of us the idea of thinking about what we actually are okay with and not okay with has not, we haven't spent enough time thinking about that. Yes. And these delayed reactions can build up feelings that we're not even aware of toward our partner, right? Because we haven't been able to vocalize it but we're not feeling as you know, okay with it, or, you know, so many times I've heard and felt the sentiment of like, I'm not really wanting to but I'm going to and if your mindset isn't there, right, if you if you think that you're doing it for someone else over time, that builds resentment, right. And so all of these things are not going to help further you know, a positive sexual externship for you or your partner. And so I That's why I just really thought that that idea of taking it off the table for 30 days really frees up this like idea opportunity to just explore and, and see that it's not the only way also,
Rose Schlaff 1:09:45
and also, I think it takes so much pressure off of the little steps that lead to, you know, penetrative sex what we've seen in the movies, right, I have so many clients who come to me that are like, as soon as my partner grabs my hand, I feel My body freeze up, because I feel like they're going to try to initiate sex as soon as my partner tries to cuddle me in bed tries to rough my shoulder. And so they're not even able to enjoy the little moments of intimacy, because there's such fear that it's going to lead to something that they're maybe not in the mood for, or they don't want to disappoint their partner. And so taking that pressure off and saying, Okay, let's just see what remains when we know it's not going to leave anywhere. I often get the feedback from clients that they are able to enjoy themselves so much more, they're able to be present with their partner and like, oh, my gosh, it feels really good to cuddle. Oh, my gosh, it feels really good to just have you hold me or kiss me or hold my hand that feels great. I don't have to worry about anything else. And I want to just make a distinction here. Because I think when we talk about responsive desire, the fact that sometimes you have to smell the food first, right? We want to really be clear, when we are intentionally using something sexy to bring on desire, what our motivations are, right? If our motivation is, I know I feel more deeply connected to my partner, after I have sex. I know I really love intimacy, when we're in it. It's just hard to kind of like, Get get my, you know, like, Head Start, get my momentum going. If those are your motivations, fabulous, use those tools. If your motivation is I don't want my partner to be mad at me. And I really don't want to have sex. Don't. Right, so, so important to know in your body? Is this. Oh, I wish I wanted to I really I want to want to. And I, I would, I know I'd like it. So let's let's just try then, then use these tools. And I also want to give permission, that it's never ever too late to change your mind. And it's never ever too late to stop. Right? Say back to the tea example. You think you wanted Earl Grey, you try a sip, you're like my I this is actually isn't doing it for me. You can just stop drinking. And just tell me, you know, oh, you know, I actually thought I was in the mood. And I'm actually not, but we tried to write. Or if you start, okay, I think I'll enjoy this once we're in it, let's, let's try listening to something sexy, or let's try watching sex life. And then the time comes and you say actually, you know what, like, I'm still not really feeling it, that's always okay. And once we can start to work on that, that safety within ourselves, where we're able to turn the spotlight in and just know, our safety doesn't, isn't connected to how happy someone is with us. And I know this seems silly. But this is so ingrained in so many people who are socialized as female, this is I was ingrained with this really, really strongly. And it's something I still navigate. It's still a path I'm strengthening, and intentionally strengthening. But once we can really identify that we can start to do some work there. But a lot of the time, it's this fear of disappointment, just this fear of disappointing our partner, and just our learned response that we have to be making other people happy to be safe. Because that's how most of us survived growing up. And that's how most of us are rewarded for behave and growing up.
Jackie Leonard 1:13:40
So, so true. Yeah, it's like that we used I think you use the gym analogy, right? But it was like if I'm going to the gym and like forcing myself to do it, because I know that afterwards. I feel really good. And reminding myself that that's like the mental distinction between I gotta go to the gym because everyone's looking at me because and judging me because, yeah, like, it's it's like to go back to the work that you do. It's like It All Begins with the self, even if it's 100% it's relational with, you know, intimacy with another, it really goes back to just the way that we mentally go into these situations. And absolutely, that's where you can start. And so I think for some people that are like, I want to do all this, but my partner is and kind of, it's like start with yourself, because you can also kind of model some of the conversation that you want to have with because our partners are also contending with male, female, binary, non binary are also contending with all of these other, you know, the same, different, right so we're all learning and growing and it's takes baby steps, but I just feel like a lot of the things that you brought up are going to be so helpful for people to just be thinking about
Rose Schlaff 1:15:01
And I really do think it takes one person to change a relationship dynamic, it takes one person to change a family system. And I think it takes one person to start to change a societal system. And the majority of my work is done one on one with one person, you know, and, of course, your partner is getting the, the, it's like the splash zone of benefit, right? You get some splash back and my clients will have conversation with their partner and I do probably like 5% of the time 10% of the time work with partners, like couples the entire time, but a lot of the time, we can have the most transformation when we are working one on one or when one person in a partnership is taking part in a group because it does start with yourself and how you feel and how you're interpreting all of these situations. It changes vastly the outcome
Jackie Leonard 1:16:07
Yeah, and I think it'll obviously benefit you as an individual and you know, if you're in a safe and healthy relationship it's like it'll ripple out into said and if if not, then the answers are there on their own right. But I think it it benefits it that the focus should be on you and so much of what I try to do with mother scope is like center the mother sincere yourself and so it's I just love the fact that even when when we I'm talking to somebody who works with sex and intimacy, it's really about you as an individual.
Rose Schlaff 1:16:43
Yeah, and you can have sex by yourself too. Well, there we go. I'll mention that he is a really important part that's something we don't see on TV and movies right
Jackie Leonard 1:16:53
down and when we do see a right it's it's probably not in depicted in the way that's that's realistic or something that people can resonate with. Right so I you know, like I said, there's so many different directions we can go and we can go on and on. But I, I am going to wind down with a game. I'm kind of stealing Brene Browns rapid fire questions from her. Oh, my gosh, I can't remember the name of the podcast, but from her podcast, but this is going to be the sexy addition. bras on as a guest. So I'm going to just say a few things, you're going to fill in the blanks. The first one is are you ready? Yeah. The first one is the most frustrating misconception about sex
Rose Schlaff 1:17:46
is oh my gosh, um, that you're doing it wrong and that you're the only one who's doing it wrong. I think that's the majority of my clients.
Jackie Leonard 1:17:59
Fill in the blank intimacy is
Rose Schlaff 1:18:04
anything that helps you connect to yourself or to another person and deepens your connection. I love that.
Jackie Leonard 1:18:12
The key to enjoyable sex is
Rose Schlaff 1:18:19
knowing yourself and being able to have a pulse on how you are feeling at any given moment. I think it's a skill to continue practicing figuring out what feels good to you. Feeling confident asking for small shifts to increase that goodness. So I think confidence building and knowing yourself really really really well.
Jackie Leonard 1:18:48
Self love for me looks like so many
Rose Schlaff 1:18:51
things. Oh my gosh, I'm doing a I'm running a group right now and we're doing a six day sprint that's like every day we do I call it powerful pleasure practices. So it's like something that feels good and it's all been non bedroom things for me right like one was a dance class with friends one was a walk outside one was a TV free night with my partner one was you know, I just I just think so much of self pleasure happens you know, outside of orgasm outside of sexual things, but I think that it it builds to that. So anytime I see the ocean anytime I'm outside anytime I'm dancing, anytime I'm with friends. That's those are my go twos.
Jackie Leonard 1:19:41
Also good. A favorite resource or tool to help moms shift to a sexy headspace at the end of the day.
Rose Schlaff 1:19:52
Yes. I think my Instagram has a bunch of resources at below with rose a share. are a lot of those. But my One great place to start is my guide that I mentioned. I also share a lot of on a lot of my favorite tips and tricks on my email list, which you mentioned as well. And I think come as you are is a great book to read just to get the ball rolling. And just understand some of the science behind sexuality, intimacy, and really just identifying like, I am not alone in here's the research that proves it. And here's so many stories that are connected to this.
Jackie Leonard 1:20:39
Awesome, you did great. Like, but I thought these were all great wrap ups, everything that you shared. So thank you for your time and for sharing just your expertise on all of this and and just getting this conversation going. I just think it's so beneficial to start thinking about these things and, and seeing how we can continue to build and improve intimacy and pleasure in our lives. So I really, really appreciate you spending the time with me today to talk about
Rose Schlaff 1:21:14
I always love spending time with you.
Jackie Leonard 1:21:17
Like also I just like wanted an excuse.
Rose Schlaff 1:21:21
I know I'm like I don't even want to start recording we got to catch up but
Jackie Leonard 1:21:25
we'll pencil that in Yeah. How can people connect with you? I know you've shared but just at the end so people can look it up if they haven't already. How can people share connect with you after listening to this episode?
Rose Schlaff 1:21:38
Yeah, I would love if you are on Instagram send me a message at be well with Rose let me know what you took away from today's episode that helps me know you know what's resonating. I always love hearing people's experiences, every person takes something different away. So that's a great way to get in touch with me. You can also go to my website www.be. Well, with rose.com. If you want that free guide, you can do slash talk, if you don't, you can just go down to the connect with me section. I work with people one on one and in groups. So if you are feeling like some of the things that we talked about today resonated. And you're feeling like gosh, I I would love to want sex and intimacy more, I would love to feel energized by intimacy, I would love to feel excited about this part of my life instead of feeling like it's this elephant in the room. Like I'm never doing enough. Like it's an unrealistic impossible goal to hit or like it just feels really uncomfortable to talk to my partner even though we've been together for years. That's the work I love doing. And I love helping you take the stress out of sex so that you can stay deeply connected to your partner, and yourself for years to come. So if that sounds interesting to you, please send me a message either on my website or on Instagram. And let me know you would like to do a free 20 minute phone call and we can chat about whether it would be a good fit for you or not.
Jackie Leonard 1:23:15
And again, I highly recommend connecting with Rose. Like you said this at the beginning you're just so easy to talk to. And especially for somebody who feels like they don't have that support person in their their village. You are a great person. So thank you again.
Rose Schlaff 1:23:33
Thank you so much. This is such a joy. I just appreciate you having me and thank you for everyone who listened to the end, you've already started shifting the cultural narrative because you're listening to this conversation. And maybe you can go and share with one friend Hey, I was listening to this podcast and about some things up. How do you remember seeing TV? You know, sex in movies? Or what's your favorite sex scene in a movie? Right? We can start the conversation really easily just by talking about sex in general, even if we're not sharing our individual experiences just starting to share with our friends and loved ones.
Jackie Leonard 1:24:11
So so true. Thank you.
1:24:14
Yes