Returning to the Workforce as a First-Time Mom with Diana Levy
ABOUT THE EPISODE
Writer, director, producer, and mom, Diana Levy is joining me on The Motherscope Podcast today. Diana is someone I feel so grateful to know and who I realize I would not have met if it was not for the pandemic thanks to her virtual support group for soon-to-be moms. Now as I look back, I realize how much I valued that connection during such a scary time for pregnant people. Today, Diana and I talk about making hard, but right changes, and the way we craft our new identities after giving birth. Enjoy.
TOPICS DISCUSSED
Becoming a first-time mom and moving during the pandemic
Grieving the loss of time
Learning your new identity after becoming a mom
Being ready to begin work again after infancy and some of the hurdles Diana has faced
How Diana’s self-value has changed since becoming a mom
Diana’s solicited mom advice
RESOURCES MENTIONED
THIS WEEK’S WRITING PROMPT
Since becoming a mom, what are some things that you can no longer tolerate?
ABOUT DIANA
DIANA LEVY is a writer, director, and producer, who works in both scripted and unscripted formats in TV as well as copywriting and blogging for brands in the health, wellness, and food space. Diana has written and developed shows for networks like ABC Family, YouTube Red, and Snap; as well as copywriting for brands and agencies like Headspace, Love Corn, The Original Farmers' Market, and The Right Now. Her first short film, C.U. Next Tuesday, was an official selection in six film festivals, including Austin After Dark, as well as the Dark Comedy Film Festival, where she received an award for Best Director.
After spending the last 15 years in Los Angeles, she has relocated back to the New York City area with the hopes of bringing her writing and developing skillset into creating and directing for purpose-driven lifestyle brands, while continuing her pursuit of telling stories with a darkly comedic point of view.
In March 2020, Diana created The Light Post, an online community for expectant parents, where she brought together experts in epidemiology and women’s health as a free, at-home resource to women and families all over the world— including Canada, Uruguay, and the UK. It has grown and transitioned into a weekly newsletter, whose readers include parents, non-parents, Hollywood and D.C moguls, tech gurus, as well as teachers, single parents, and artists. According to one marketing expert, The Light Post has a higher opening email rate than Clinique, which means, though it will not make you feel younger, it will certainly make you feel better.
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Jackie Leonard 00:04
Hi, Diana, welcome to the podcast.
Diana Levy 00:07
Hi, Jackie, thank you for having me.
Jackie Leonard 00:11
Yeah, I'm really looking forward to hearing more of your story today. And I share in the intro a little bit about how I met you. And you've just been such a source for connection and honesty and new motherhood. So I'm just really grateful that other people will get to connect with you today by listening to your story.
Diana Levy 00:31
Thank you, I'm so honored to be asked to be on this. I'm the first like motherhood podcast I've been asked to be on. So
Jackie Leonard 00:41
awesome. Yeah. Can you share a little bit about yourself first, so that they can get to know you.
Diana Levy 00:50
Um, I am a freelance writer and director, I just relocated to New Jersey of all places from Los Angeles earlier this year, and I have a daughter, Alice Bo, who is 15 months, who I was pregnant with, during the pandemic, my first pregnancy. And I've, yeah, and now I'm in New Jersey and sort of transitioning a lot of my writing into blogging, and about parenthood and a pandemic. So there's been a lot to learn and a lot to write about.
Jackie Leonard 01:34
Okay, and to kind of segue or go in beyond that, you're going to share a little bit about the biggest hurdle that you've overcome, as a mom to date. And talk a little bit about that experience.
Diana Levy 01:49
Well, I'm actually a, I don't know, I've always gone. My husband always jokes that I always choose the hard way, in life, when given an opportunity to do something easy or hard. Um, and in so many ways, my like pregnancy and birth, and, like birth of my child, and birth of me as a mother, and my identity has just overall been one of the biggest hurdles in my life. And it was such a, I didn't originally say this to you, but like something that I learned in my labor in my birth story, as somebody who like always picks the most difficult route in life. I didn't want to have an epidural, I labored for 33 hours without an epidural. And then I push and then I finally got one. And in that moment, when I decided to get it, I, my head, my husband was like, it doesn't have to be hard you can choose, you just get the epidural will be easier. And that was a big moment for me to just realize that like I can start to make easier choices. i Not everything has to be a giant hurdle. But once we came back to the house and stuff and more settling in like I always knew we needed to move, we were living in a one bedroom apartment. And so the big hurdle in that was deciding where we were going to live our like said, settle down and set some roots. And at the time, because of lockdown and stuff. You know, I think all of us were just kind of trying to survive, and you're not really sure up from down. And like, if you're doing anything, right, and I think everybody questions that. Um, but I think something that was unique to my pregnancy and people who had babies around the same time was that, especially your first babies was that. Like, we were living our awesome single life. And expecting to live it for a little bit longer than then COVID and the lockdown provided for us. So like, all of a sudden, like we didn't go on our babymoon we didn't do the travel, we didn't see our friends. We didn't No one really saw me pregnant. And then all of a sudden, I was a mom and then having to step into what that identity was and then start making choices about for our daughter around the idea of like I don't know just setting up a new life and what is the best thing for her and it was to move and we moved at a time. By the time we moved it was like an Alice was born peak day in the summer. And then we moved one of the peak days in the winter in LA. So we didn't even Really get to say goodbye to our friends. And so there's this like, double mourning that we're going through, which is like mourning our previous life that we will never that stage that we will never be in again. And then it's like mourning the place that we were like, not just visit. It's not just the place where we were physically, but like emotionally, and all that. And so, yeah, and I've now been in New Jersey, and like, it's been a major hurdle getting us here, sometimes I don't, I forget all the little things that it takes to move to like buy a house to get yourself across the country, especially in a pandemic with a dog. And like my husband's from Colorado, and then spent 15 years in LA. And I know that New Jersey was not on his bingo card, but neither was COVID. So, um, and I know that it was the right choice for us. And I know, we both feel that way. But some days, it's just really hard. Because in when you become mom, I think you deal with that hurdle of identity, coming back to yourself, and you're never always entirely the same. And everybody says that, but like, I'm now not la Diane anymore. I'm like just Diana, and having to figure out who that is, without this long story of who I am, how I got there. Um, which I felt like was such an LA thing. And being a writer and going all these general meetings, like you have to like, tell your story. And I'm, now I'm so glad that I don't have to tell that story in many ways. Like, I actually met somebody here who said, it's like, it's so boring to talk to people that what they used to do, as opposed to what they're doing. And I think a lot of like, the hurdle is trying to get from one place to the other, and to arrive. And sometimes it feels like we are here, and we're settled, and we've arrived in it. And then some days, it feels like I'm floating, like, an outer space. And I feel lost with no direction. And it's hard. But then like, our daughter is beautiful and wonderful. And she loves it here and she's outside all the time. And I know it's the right thing. But like, this is a big move. No pun intended, but like the whole energy of this new chapter of our life has just been intense. But I also always do things very intensely. I do like, when I make a decision, I make it really quickly. And it's in my gut. And I don't change my mind. And like my mind just said, so I'm just also lucky my husband was along for the ride.
Jackie Leonard 08:19
Yeah, you. I mean, somebody phrased it, to me talking about like, the different when you do a lot of big changes at the same time how you need like a month, like talking about the recovery period for each big thing. And sometimes when you do a lot of big things at once, you don't realize how much you know how it builds on each other. So it's like, you had a baby, there's a pandemic, that you moved from one place, and then you found a new place. So like all of those things build off of each other. It's not like you're like, oh, I have a month to get over it. Why am I not over yet? You have to think about like the scope of those changes. And I'm the same way with you. I mean, I'm earlier in the process of a lot of changes as well and thinking like, why am I not, you know, why am I why am I not excited? Why am I not like jump, you know, this is what I chose? And I did it we made it happen and kind of having to step back and be like, well, there's still a lot of different feelings that you have to process even if it's like you said the right thing. And it sounds like you really have to like the grieving of the loss of time is something that we all are kind of wrestling with right now. Because like you said, you went from being a a single you know, person or not what you know you were married and you know you guys were out and about how to have a single lifestyle without children. And then you not only had to shut down and shut out all of that. By the time you've come out of it. Your your whole life is different. Yeah, you're a parent now. I can just imagine how difficult that shift would be.
Diana Levy 09:58
Yeah. And hell So I'd like a parent on the other side of the country and like also trying to start working again. And we've talked a little bit about this, but like feeling in that hurdle, like, I want to start working more, and I'm ready for it. And especially with Alice going to nursery, I feel like I have a taste of freedom in a way that I'm like, I want more of that. I want more me time. And I also just like want more for Alice to that, for me making bringing in an income would provide for her to like, it's easier having two incomes in the house than one. And even though my husband does not put any pressure on me or anything like that, but I have, like, all of my sisters are working moms, my mom was a working mom, like, they have big careers that they have always navigated through their motherhood. And I feel like I like have not kept up. And I love the the time that I spent with Alice, but now I'm like, Okay, I have that. I get it. I love her. I really feel like we're totally bonded, and she worked to get like, she knows she's not worried about anything. Her dad is always around, her mom is always around, like, she's not worried. And that was the goal. And we're there. And now it's time for me to like be doing more and engage with people and like, let her keep growing. So that I can keep growing.
Jackie Leonard 12:01
Yeah. Do you feel like? Yeah, no, no, I mean, I was gonna say earlier, and I didn't get to it. But the idea of like, you know, discomfort is a sign of like, you know, you're growing you're, there's all this discomfort in the hurdles that you've overcome, or the big life changes you've made. I think when you were describing how you were feeling, I was like, yeah, just sounds like there's a lot of growth happening, and it's not comfortable. But I'm curious if you can identify or if you have seen or hit some walls or hurdles in like, getting back to the working mode? Yeah, for you, like, what are some of those that you feel like have gotten in your way, because it sounds like you want this, like you want to be working more, and you feel like you've gotten to a good place. As a mom with your daughter, it's where you feel good about that. But are you hitting resistance or challenges internally or externally?
Diana Levy 13:06
Um, I think, well, I'm definitely hitting challenges in the sense that I'm kind of transitioning one skill set to another. I'm like, I was doing TV writing. And now I just want to be doing like, long form blog writing and copywriting. And so learning how to transition and talk about my skill set, and that way. Um, I also find, you know, like, sometimes this area feels like it's a time warp. So, like, I met at this really cool, like, creative agency that I would, that would be great to work out. And I had a really great interview there and stuff. But it's like, all men, and unapologetically, like, no, they have no problem with that. Um, and coming from LA, like, even if it were in New York City, it wouldn't be the same thing. People are, like, always pushing for diversity of voice and just diversity in general. So I definitely felt like I was in a time more of like 10 to 15 years ago, like, being the only really the only woman in the room. So that was an interesting, um, but also, and this is something that I'm always trying to work on, is I have a very bad time. I'm understanding my value. And like, X and seeing my town in being able to write something that is valuable and worth paying for, and I'm getting better at it as a parent, actually, because now, I see it as time taken away from Alice or like, the hour that it costs to have somebody watch her or be at nursery like, because that has monetary value that I can see. It makes me look at my own hours differently. So in that way, that's given me some sort of structure to look at. But like, I'm terrible at. I'm terrible at making money. And it's because I'm always drawn to, like, I'm only going to do and I've been like this since I was a kid. And it is my own personal hurdle of life that I have to figure out. But like, unless I am passionate about it, I am barely there. And so I have to figure out the passionate thing to like, align. And I know that that and I think actually writing in this space and blogging in the space has become that my passion, like I am extremely passionate about my blog and everything that I'm doing there. Like, that's the first time I felt that in a while. But like, and I think it makes me really depressed and lost if I don't feel really passionate. And, but it's very hard for me to translate the passion into something of monetary value. And seeing myself as worth it, which is like a very, is really just a reflection of like 10 years of working in Hollywood and being like, treated like was such doggy doo doo all the time. But, um, by saying it out loud, I'm acknowledging and working.
Jackie Leonard 17:05
Yeah, I mean, this topic of value has come up in so many different recent interviews that I've done, both monetary and just this idea of motherhood, diminishing value, or, you know, heightening value. And like, it's just interesting that, that seems to be kind of this place that really gets I want to say, like triggered or ignited when we become moms like, what is my value? How can I assert my value? I have a different sense of what I value now. And how can I like how can that be matched by a society that we already like we all can kind of recognize, needs to work on? Helping moms you know, and valuing moms, so it I don't really know that there's like a clear cut answer or like, one way to explain it, but it's just I just wanted to just say that I hear that common thread so much that I, I guess there is maybe some sense of comfort, and it's a more universal worry, or, you know, hurdle,
Diana Levy 18:17
what I think is hard about it, when you're a stay at home mom, or like a 5050 mom, like part time or whatever, you're doing all this work. That doesn't mean you don't get paid for which is fine. But then really, like then, I still feel like I want to I need to ask my husband if I can spend money on something. But just because it's like he's making he's making everything right now. So but it's not that I'm not working. And so you you do all that work, but you don't enjoy the same or like it's hard for me to enjoy the freedoms that you get when you are working and receive a paycheck. Because I'm not getting that at the end I get so much more and it's great but like it it just sucks kind of feeling like you and me you have to like ask your partner and that's only because like that's how I feel like I don't know maybe people don't feel that way but like I would feel bad just like spending a bunch of money without telling him you know, like I don't like go crazy on the credit card. So yeah, yeah.
Jackie Leonard 19:45
Well, there's something I think jarring for me. I come from a similar where like, going from working consistently and always feeling like I was you know, earning a paycheck to just not anymore. Totally kind of There's this vulnerability there. I mean, it's it, there's this like weird kind of like, and then the idea for me, at least, you know, I'm not gonna put it on you. But for me, like, the idea of, can I jump back in and work the same way I did before, I don't know, like, I stopped. Because I was like, before I had kids, my, the way I worked was completely like, not I mean, not necessarily healthy. And I just don't even know that I have the energy that I, that I did back then to do what I did back then. And so there's this doubt in our ability, and my ability to do that again. And like, I just wonder,
Diana Levy 20:39
I've been joking that, like, I don't have ambition anymore. Like, I don't, what it took for me to like, be writing on a show like, and all that stuff, I can't do that anymore. My brain is not there. I don't want to, like care. It makes me feel like I don't have any ambition, but I do. It just like, don't feel the same about work anymore, either. Um, but like that said, I don't like me to be precious about my art and feel like I need to be. Like, I don't know, breaking barriers in the television world. Like, I literally write anything, you can give like, I don't care, I'll it does not I can be very boring. And whatever you need, but I'm like, happily can do it very quickly for you and take the paycheck and like, go hang out my daughter and work on my blog. That's what I want to do. So
Jackie Leonard 21:40
I would like to reframe it as maybe not a lack of ambition, but like, you're taller, like our I think our tolerance for, like being taken advantage of, or our tolerance for like not being valued, has diminished. And so we like, we can't imagine ourselves going back to the way it was before. Because now I think becoming a mom sets this different standard. And you're like, I can't do that anymore. Like, I won't do that. And it's, it's maybe because of our kids, but it's also like, kind of a it's for ourselves. And I think that is that makes me feel good. It makes you feel like okay, like I'm treating myself better. But you hit the same like wall where it's like, but no one else it seems values that no one else is like, Oh, I think that's great. Let me pay you for this work that you want. Right? You know,
Diana Levy 22:36
and if the government was we would feel differently about it, of course, again.
Jackie Leonard 22:43
Well, I thought about that on the drive here. When I was after I dropped off my son at preschool, I was like, you know, the problem, we keep talking about how like, I think I forget the percentage, it might be like 30%, maybe it's more women mothers left the workforce during COVID. And a lot of attention has been placed on like how much we don't support mom's during COVID. And it was like, Well, I think we need to be looking at pre COVID. Because there must have been a problem with the way things were before. The way like how low they were paid, or you know how hard they were worked to have made it to where it was like, well, it's not worth it anymore in these conditions, or I cannot do it anymore to continue. And so, you know, like you were you spoke to the job you had before where it was like, what you were not treated well. And so it's like you're at a point now where you're like I'm not going to go back to that I don't want to and we're not I don't think we're looking at the the way it was before was the problem versus like this pandemic just being a thing that rocked the world.
Diana Levy 23:49
Yeah, I think you're totally right about that. It was instant. Yeah. And the pandemic just surfaced all those things so much more. But it was the problem. It was a problem before it was always a problem before Yeah, I do hear our starting to stir.
Jackie Leonard 24:07
Awesome. So right on time, she's right on time. This is perfect. Go do it. She's an efficient little one. Keeping us accountable. Before you go and tend to your your mom, your mom job. Can you share the last three requests that I have a view which was the first one was what is a song that you feel describes your motherhood experience?
Diana Levy 24:38
I don't know if it explains if it does my motherhood experience, but it is the song that played when she was born. And it is Hold on a second Frank Ocean and it's I'm gonna run to it okay, I'm done. Hold on a second. I can hear her crying too. And I know I know I love breaking Godspeed.
Jackie Leonard 25:20
God guaranteed by free.
Diana Levy 25:23
It brings me to tears every time she was literally born into the world listening to that song.
Jackie Leonard 25:29
Oh, that's beautiful. Um, I will let you go because I don't want Alice to.
Diana Levy 25:36
It's gonna sound what are the two other questions? I'll just go through Okay,
Jackie Leonard 25:40
okay. Okay. Um, what is mom solicited mom advice that you wish to share with other moms?
Diana Levy 25:50
Read and also don't over read. Like, like know when things are coming. But also trust that your child like right when I get anxious, like, Oh, she should be doing this thing. Like, we're transitioning into this next thing like she does it if when I don't fuss over it needing to happen.
Jackie Leonard 26:10
Yeah, I think that's amazing. That's so right. And then the last thing, what's something that you listen to read or watch recently that you love that you would recommend?
Diana Levy 26:23
I would recommend Casey Wilson's book, the wreckage of My presence, because it is like a full circle memoir of a relationship that she her relationship to her mother as she becomes a mother, and how she processes her childhood, and how she looked to her mom. And what she ends up finding out about her mom after she's died. And it's just like, it's hilarious. And it will also bring you to tears. But you were my two favorite emotions to experience at the same time.
Jackie Leonard 26:53
That sounds great. I will. I'm going to add that to my list. And before before you go, How can people follow along with you after learning more about you today?
Diana Levy 27:02
I'm on my I have substack called the light post. I have an Instagram that's at its light post which is funnels all of my stuff from my newsletter. And then I'm on tick tock as it's the light post and the light post because I've been kicked off of it because my Gabby potato reporting, so follow those. And I'll I will be back on that next week.
Jackie Leonard 27:30
Awesome. Diana, thank you so much for giving your time and talking about your motherhood experience today and talk to you.
Diana Levy 27:39
I'm so glad we reconnected yeah bye bye