Faith as the Foundation for Motherhood with Melaina Williams
ABOUT THE EPISODE
I first met Melaina Williams over six years ago when she led a poetry workshop for my high school students. She’s now a regular contributor for Motherscope and this week’s guest. It’s my honor to have her on the podcast today to talk about her latest creative project: motherhood.
Melaina shares her own motherhood origin story – a story most of us can probably relate to – often our best laid plans never happen, and we have to learn how to trust the process. Melaina shares coming to terms with this, what it means to be a creative and a mama, and more. Be sure to listen to the end to hear some of her beautiful poetry, lean in and enjoy.
TOPICS DISCUSSED
Melaina’s motherhood origin story and learning to let go of our best laid plans
What Melaina learned about being a mom from working with college students
How motherhood enhanced Melaina’s artistry and creativity
Debunking the “mother-to-be” myth
Melaina’s solicited motherhood advice
RESOURCES MENTIONED
THIS WEEK’S WRITING PROMPT
What do you now realize you needed to experience before becoming a mother?
ABOUT MELAINA
MELAINA WILLIAMS is a poet, playwright, singer/songwriter from Inglewood California. She finds great joy in connecting with people of all backgrounds through creative arts, especially creative writing. Melaina studied Creative Writing and Theatre at USC. Her book of poetry, "Bless Your Sweet Bones" was published by the historical World Stage Press in Leimert Park. She also penned, "The Humble Commode", a chapbook. She currently lives in Los Angeles and spends her days writing and binge-watching Cocomelon with her daughter.
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Jackie Leonard 00:10
All right. Hi, Melaina. Welcome to the podcast.
Melaina Williams 00:14
Hi, Jackie, how are you?
Jackie Leonard 00:16
I'm great. So happy to be here. Yeah, I'm really looking forward to talking with you, I got to share in the intro that we have actually met face to face, which hasn't been the case with all my guests. And I just have a really great memory from that experience. And so just always enjoy the opportunity to hear more about you and have you share your, your poetry, which we'll do at the end. So yeah, to introduce yourself first, can you share a little bit about who you are with the people listening?
Melaina Williams 00:52
Well, my name is Melina Williams, and I am a poet, vocalist, all around writer and actor from Inglewood, California. I currently am living in Los Angeles area not too far from Inglewood, and I am working as a author as well as a worship leader. And then of course, a mama. So there's so many different facets to what I do. But for the most part, I like to just see myself as a creator, a creator.
Jackie Leonard 01:38
Yeah, that definitely fits what I've come to know as a view, in my experience so far. So I, today what you're going to talk about is your motherhood origin story. And I'm going to give you the floor and let you share what you have to say about that.
Melaina Williams 02:02
Yeah, um, when I saw the, just the text origin story, it took me back to the times where I thought that my story wasn't my mother's story, or wasn't my mama story. I thought it had nothing to do with this space that I'm in now as a mother. And I mean, I'm sure many moms can relate to this, I had an idea of where I was supposed to be at a certain time at a certain age, you know, it was all supposed to be mapped out. And a lot of it was supposed to happen in my 20s all the things I was supposed to happen in my 20s and one of those things was motherhood, you know, having a baby and there were so many expectations and ideals attached to that like you know, at that age I'll be able to play with my children and at this age I'll be able to still get a snap back body and you know, at this age, there's so many things that really weren't connected to the essence of what motherhood was about. But I knew that I wanted to care for a human being and I wanted to experience birthing a human being into this world and and seeing that seeing what my mother seeing the experience of my mother but then I found myself in jobs you know until then, and for the first part I just realized that I was being prepared whether I realized that then or not I you know closer to the end I got it. But I believe spiritually I was being in physically and mentally being prepared for what I was longing for. And I started off after college, going to USC I study creative writing, and you know, creative writing is not like the business jobs where you just go to the work fair and she go find a Pepsi job you know, it's a little different. And so I took a little time and I was I was in sales at Bath and Body Works and and then my old Work Study Group at USC, a Contracts and Grants they hired me back and that's how I got back on USC campus. But when I got back I worked for that area, which was was great. You know, But when it came to like that motherhood journey in that preparation, I realized I was getting something when I became an associate chaplain for a Episcopal campus ministry. And I was doing non denominational Christian concert kind of worship services. And working as a, as a supporting the chaplain with just college kids. And it was such an amazing experience. And it taught me so much. I mean, I became kind of a mama bear, to these, you know, kids just got out of high school, you know, trying to figure out what their majors are going to be, Mama is mad at me, because I, she wants me to be a doctor. But I decided my last senior year, my last year of college, I want to be a photographer, you know, what, you know, and they're going through all this, you know, just these changes in life. And I was learning through the chaplain as well as just my own personal experience of how to meet them where they were, and how to hear them and what they were looking for. And then I did four years of that, and then went into, had took a year off, and I thought, here's my writing career, if I'm not going to have a baby, then at least I'll birth, a writing career, you know, like what I'm supposed to be doing. And I was able to become a part of a workshop called Community literature initiative, I was able to publish my first book of poetry was an amazing year, I believe that I really shed a lot of a lot of expectations of myself and really just got to the creative core. And, but after that year, it came to a place where I needed something, you know, consistent in my life, along with the book, you know, and that's where I found myself at a K through 12. School. And it was like, now I had gone from the college, no High School, you know, right, when you get out of high school, I'm here at this K through 12 level, and I'm dealing and talking with parents and children of all these different age groups. And it was like it was there, that my longing really became strong to the point where, you know, it's tears, it's God, when is it my turn to be a mama. But I was getting all these opportunities to, to see what that looked like. And to be present for a child that is, you know, in their elementary years, and a child that's in their middle school years, and all the changes that happen to high school. And then I got to even see a little bit of preschool. I'm interviewing parents, and I'm getting to see dynamics between parents and what the expectations are, what was school and all these things. And I just remember, one day, I will never forget it, I just was grateful to God to have had this you know, I just call it prep. It's not definitely wasn't everything I needed to know. But it was a foundation, and it really changed my idea of what I would, what I what would be required of me, it was not just like cute pictures, you know, dressing up for school, it wasn't just like, my child is going to be happy with me all the time. It was this is a nother human being to his learning life. And you're going to be on this journey with them, and you have a responsibility to them. And there was things that I learned that I didn't want to do and things that I learned that I did want to do. And I was just very grateful for that, that that time. And so when I think about origin of Mama, you know, it's all you know, it's all these things that you learn from those who are mother figures in your life of course, but it was that time where I thought I was just working where I got a lot of knowledge and wisdom from you know, the the children in my life. And I'm and I brought it with me along the way with my daughter. And just it's helped me to kind of look at things a little different in life, so it was a weird entry into it. But that was what I thought of when I thought of my mama story.
Jackie Leonard 10:06
Yeah, I've just like, My neck is getting, like hurting from nodding so much excited, like so much of what you're saying, as a former teacher, I was just like, wow, like, the way that you looked at this journey that let like, are the delays to motherhood, that in the moment probably felt that way. The way that you would have been able to take a look back and be like, this was basically my seasoning or me getting, you know, prepared is such a profound way to look at it. As opposed Yeah, I mean, hindsight, right? But but just Yes, but but you're so right, that, you know, when we can look back on these different periods of our life and see like, oh, there was like this. This this, there's like a reason, in some way. Maybe that's just maybe your faith really helped you find that?
Melaina Williams 11:03
But it did. It did? It did help me find that. It I mean, because it was I got married, and it was seven years before I got pregnant. And you can imagine the questions. When are you gonna get like, like, you just you just pop a pill and you just get pregnant? It's like, what are you gonna get married? I mean, when are you gonna get pregnant? Or are you do you guys want to have children or, you know, or just the same, just being on social media and seeing like families, like, after a year of marriage, ban the baby's there. And, you know, you're like, Wow, what's going on with me. But I did do a lot, it was a lot of faith. And a lot of conversations with God, a lot of journals and letters to God. My favorite things to write. And I believe that by the end of that journey, it's like you said, hindsight, it was like, I started to get this revealing of all the things that needed, I believe, personally, for me needed to be in place in order for me to be fulfilled, in in my space, to be present. For my daughter, even having that, that year to get that book done. and have it be here and tangible in my hand, that was something that was a part of my career. And my vision, as my personal creativity that needed to happen, or I believe I would have been in a place of, maybe your place of, of, I think I would have been stuck, or I would have thought that I couldn't go further. I couldn't do any. I couldn't do mama and career. And having that book before becoming a mother. It almost pushes me to say you have to be mama and creative. Like that is your responsibility. Because you've created this work. And your daughter is watching you. And your soon to be son will be watching you. So you have to continue this work that you've you've put on in the world. I remember my mother was one. My mother, I love I love her so much. My mom was like Molina, you know, let's do this. Did you go to the doctor, did you you know, because look, they they were like our grandchildren, right? And they want this, but they know what I want. So they're trying their best. And then I remember having that conversation like mom, I need you to, to I feel pressure. And she's like, Yeah, she understood. And she we really didn't talk about it. And then I had I had a chat book come out. And she told me she had to tell me something. And it was a lot of people around so she told me she told me later. So we had we went to church that weekend. And she wrote me a note in church, which is not something that you know, usually happens. And in the note she was saying that, you know, she is at peace and she knows that all of my work or my creative work that I've been doing. I couldn't have or have birth, my child or been in the space to be ready for it until I had completed that work. And that meant the world to me. It was like, it was like a confirmation and a calm that came over me that my mother understood me. And not only understood me, but understood the conversation that me and God had been having. And that, that was I didn't even know how to explain it. It was life changing. And, and it just really caused me to really dive fully into my faith and say, yeah, now it's time. You know. Right. Now it's time.
Jackie Leonard 15:35
Yeah, that you bring up a really interesting topic of what we think we need to be like to have done before we have children, and what we actually need to have done. Like, yeah, individually to have children, like there's these ideas of like, I need to be here in my career, I need to have done this and that, or I need to have this type of income or whatever it is that that we tell ourselves or we are told. And I just love, maybe because we're both creatives that like, I, I told myself I need if I'm going to get I want to get my MFA. I don't know what I'm going to do with it. But I just feel like if I don't do it, now, I'm not I'm gonna have all these excuses for why I can't later on when Yes, I have a family and similarly to you, it's like, I want I think to myself that if I hadn't done that, then after becoming a mom, I don't know if that creativity would have returned to me. And like, it almost like, created that foundation. Like you talked about where it was like, I had this in me. And now I really need to like and, like go for it in a different way. Can you I don't I mean, I think you've shared this with me in the past, or I hear you speaking to this a little bit. How did motherhood enhance your, your artistry? After
Melaina Williams 17:05
Oh, wow, yeah, I was just thinking about that while you're talking because you know, I don't know if you've ever heard this or you I've seen it in movies and stuff. But people say stuff like, you know, they're going to be an amazing artist when they go to more in life. Or they're, you know, once they get you know, once that person experiences some kind of hurt or something, then they're really going to get it not so much the hurt part. But I think experiencing life more when it comes to not just like, Oh, you know, not the experience of life of like, Wait till you have to pay bills, you know, yeah, that's a part of it. But I mean, like really experienced, not having something that you want so bad longing for something, losing something feeling like you're losing. I'm feeling like you're broken. I'm asking all the questions and not really getting all the answers. That kind of experience does and that was my personal experience to this place of motherhood. It did change me It did give me a better understanding of what love and what what longing and what waiting and what life is about. For me, and I believe like even even writing for mother scope has really brought out some some new facets of myself that I hadn't tapped into. And I've always kind of, I've always desired to dive deeper than surface. But sometimes there's only so far you can go because you just don't know you haven't experienced it. And motherhood is made me experienced a lot in a very short amount of time. You know, from like, the, you know, the the the waiting the moments of like, you know, feeling like what is this about? What am I doing and then to the excitement to having a child and then afterwards postpartum you know, going through all of the emotions and changes and It's just like it's a whole movie you just just you just go through a whole movie nine months and then and then after the nine months it just keeps going so I do believe it grew me up and provided me more of a palette like you know you're just like working with you're working with you know a good amount of colors you know it's not the eight box Crayola No, it's a bit 64 but you you like motherhood gives you this this new box and you don't even know what colors are and you still trying to figure it out? So yeah, it definitely it definitely has has caused me to think differently write differently and I do think it is helped me to write better tell me to write better.
Jackie Leonard 21:02
Yeah, it's it's funny that you came arrived, that you let the conversation here because in the beginning, I was thinking to myself how your poetry I feel like embodies the mother lens, because I see in your voice, how you're able to really like approach different subject matter. Not even from your own, you know, mother eyes, but those around you. And, and I haven't read too much of your work before being a mom. But I see that very, like I read that very viscerally in your writing now. And I like that's kind of what I created mother's scope, because I just felt like after becoming a mom, like the way I saw the world, like completely changed. And also the way the world see that I felt like the way the world saw me seeing you Yes, right. Yeah, yes, it is such a like, quick change that, in a lot of ways is is beautiful and rich. And you know, like, as people who are creative, we see the gift in that. But then there's also a lot of complex things that you have to sift through. If you don't have those tools as well.
Melaina Williams 22:24
Yeah, it's it's, it's it's really amazing. How, when you're, when, when you're in this, this space of like, Okay, I'm a mom now, like, something that people used to say to me a lot. And in and I'm, I'm sorry, I'm stumbling over, because I've got all these thoughts in my head. And I'm, like pregnant, so my brain goes like this. But I started having all these different eye ideas and thoughts and questions as soon as I got pregnant. And one of the things people used to say all the time was like mommy to be, oh, mommy to be. And I thought to myself, I'm not a mommy to be. I'm a mom right now. I'm a mother right now. I have, I'm taking care of someone right now. They just happened to be in my body. And I just, I think of all the women who have experienced loss, and how to say mommy to be they never will, that you just somehow were never a mother and it's just not true in my lens and from my lens. As soon as you you experience that for yourself, and you've received that for yourself. You know, that's your, that's your motherhood starting right there. That's your mama. And I appreciate myself for not, you know, kind of kowtowing to that ideal and owning my motherhood. As soon as I was ready, you know, to say yes, I am a mom, I'm a mama. And I'm taking care of somebody right now because it is a lot, okay. It took a lot time. Like, I'm on doing non stress tests and you know, don't eat this and don't eat that and you know, get your rest and I mean, my first pregnancy yet all the pains because I experienced fibroids. And it was just like, No, I'm a mama right now and I'm taking care of a baby. Right now. It's going to be different once they come on the other side of the womb. But but there's a process here and there's a mother, you know, there's another child by a bond that's happening. before they even come on the other side of the moon. So it's just all those different things like you were talking, I just made me think of that when you were talking about how other people see you, and how other people will project, how you how you should, how you should live your mama ness, and I'm making up that word, Mom and
Jackie Leonard 25:20
I will know that. And, you know, I just recently did another interview, and we talked about the idea of mother being a verb, versus like a, you know, a label, because, you know, I spoke to this at the beginning where I was like, You mothered in all these different ways that really kind of, and I love that talking about your origin story of feeling as though you were a mom started long before you've physically before even got pregnant, let alone you had a child. Yeah, Earth side. And so yeah, I just, I really love this idea of honoring the full spectrum of, you know, even making the choice to one day, maybe become a mother and committed to that in your mat. In your mind. There's a shift that happens that that's really kind of where it starts. And we don't even talk a lot about that. Yes, yeah. No, I really appreciate you taking the time to walk us through that and get us thinking more about pre, you know, pre construction, when did that kind of start to feel like a part of you, you know,
Melaina Williams 26:33
yeah, I there's us, I can't remember where exactly I received this information from and I'll have to look it up. But it, there was a African either, I believe it's African proverb that basically says, the baby arrives as soon as the mother You know, things or desires, the child in her heart. And that, I remember hearing that and it really was another like, gym, you know, all these little things that we just hold on to. While while we're waiting,
Jackie Leonard 27:13
beautiful now, I could go on and on with emelina. Yeah, this is Vegas time. Yeah, it just fills my heart. But for the sake of time, I will segue into our, my final three requests of you before we go. And the first is, what is a song that you feel embodies some of your motherhood experience so far?
Melaina Williams 27:43
I would say this song would be bigger. I play it by Beyonce. It's from The Lion King soundtrack, that they did the live action one. And it just, I don't know the lyrics. I get chills every time I'm listening to it. And I'll have Joel on the car with me. And it just reminds me, okay, yes, you are a part of something, yes, you're driving your usual route, to drop Joel off to your parents, so you can go to work. But you are a part of something way bigger. And this, everything that you're doing, you know, you're writing a story. And it's a legacy. So that's the song that I would say,
Jackie Leonard 28:27
love it. Thank you. Um, the second thing I want you to share. And it's saying I have an unstable internet connection, so hopefully you can hear me, I can hear you. real world problems, um, is what's the mom advice, you've shared a lot that I feel like we can take away and apply to our lives. But let's some mom advice that is solicited that you would like to share.
Melaina Williams 28:54
So So one is just really, really General, you make Mills that you both can eat. I was like doing, like, let me do this and champion nutritionists. And I'm like, you know what, we can both eat this, we can both work it out. And it'll be nutritious for both of us. And so it saved my life. I just feel like all the pressure just washed off for me. And, and just one other thing is just to remember that learning can happen outdoors in many different ways, as you know, just as much or even more than just being at a desk or trying to like do the ABCs are over and over and over again and trying to like hit all these things. There's some beautiful things outside that and I'm learning that. So go is that
Jackie Leonard 29:59
yes. Those are some Good. I've noticed with little ones and I think, like repeat this back to you even though you just said it, but with too much they get stir crazy. And then you realize like, Oh, I have not gone outside. Let me go outside and all of a sudden they're both like so relaxed and happy. And I was like, Wow, I've been fighting this all day. And
Melaina Williams 30:21
yes, so have you noticed that you're even a little like, it does something for you too. And every single time I'm like, dog, darn it, I need to be outside too.
Jackie Leonard 30:34
And then last but not least, what I'm so excited for us, I would love for you to share some of your writing with all of us before you go.
Melaina Williams 30:44
Of course, I will share from the recent September publication through mother scope. And this is the poem entitled a pandemic story. I am raising a child, loving deeply a husband, washing myself with gentleness, mourning cousins, an aunt and a leader. ordering food and cooking food with swells of garlic as love. Praying loudly, keeping journal after journal after journal, checking on friends and allowing them to check on me. Making mistakes dancing with my daughter, working in the world, visiting the world in masks, feeding the little soul in my womb, watching my mother and father FaceTime with morning walks, taking my own walks to remind myself what outside smells like. Sitting at the grace table. Six women taught me this act, teaching the ABCs and relearning the joy they bring through the eyes of a 20 month old who squeals as be wiggles on the screen. Posting pics and deleting apps. Getting weary fighting with everything I've that and resting with the same everything. Choosing my laugh, my quiet, my courage, my visions, my creative, my tears, my screens, my song, my faith, my woman in a pandemic, writing my story to the end.
Jackie Leonard 32:41
I always especially with poetry love hearing it read aloud such a Yeah, such an experience.
Melaina Williams 32:48
It comes alive even more, right?
Jackie Leonard 32:50
Yes, thank you. Thanks so much Molina for sharing such a special part of your story. You know, our whole lives are stories right? But I really appreciate you focusing and zeroing in on on this part of it. And I wish you the best of luck with the rest of your pregnancy and translating cue to a mom of two which Thank you It goes by very fast I will say well yeah again so so just soak it all up and continue to nurture yourself along the way and and I just I really appreciate you
Melaina Williams 33:31
Oh, thank you Jackie, I appreciate you for just your the space that you you know provide for so many of us mamas to get out our story and get out the things that that we could easily bottle up and it's it's been very life giving to be a part of this writing group, you know, these group of women who are creating in this way and it's it's supported me in a lot of ways as a mom. So thank you.
Jackie Leonard 34:03
That means so much and it's it's really my honor. And we need so many more spaces like this. So yes, yes. I hope for that to continue. Thank you. Yes.