Unlimited Cupcakes
Photo Courtesy of Colleen Tirtirian
By Colleen Tirtirian
In the parenting world, there are few things that everyone can agree upon. I believe, however, that one of the universally accepted ideas about kids is that they are funny creatures. They do silly things, act ridiculously, and, most importantly, they say the most absurd things. Yet, for all the strange statements and unrelenting demands, there is an equal number of adorable moments. Whether it’s a cute moment or one that makes me cringe, I cannot help but smile when I think back on some of the statements I’ve made as a parent in response to my children.
Before I became a parent, I’d worked with toddlers frequently – from babysitting gigs to camp counselor, and even a teacher’s helper – I’ve always enjoyed being around this age group. I guess you could say I’ve been privy to the toddler mind and have a sort of understanding; they are in a world all their own and their imaginations are wild.
As a parent now, I love watching how my daughter creates scenarios between her dolls and makes up stories about them. My heart is full when I see my son running around the house, saying he is going to “save the day with his superpowers.” Each child truly believes in what they are doing. It is not pretend to them – it is real.
Since toddlers feel everything deeply, I’ve been keeping a running list of the things I never thought I would say as a parent. I do this mostly for myself as a way to remember the little moments that I would otherwise forget. I also do it because I want to show my kids, at a later date, some of the things they’ve said or done. It all boils down to memories.
Over the past year or so, I’ve found myself trying to talk my toddlers out of major meltdowns over some pretty small-fry things (not so adorable in the moment, but later on these become comical). In those moments, I am really attempting to help them come to terms with whatever it is that is bothering them. Still, I cannot help but laugh after we narrowly avert a full-blown toddler crisis.
So, without further ado, here are some of the things I never thought I would say as a parent:
“We don’t live in a world of unlimited cupcakes!”
We happen to live within a block of a damn delicious bakery. What started as a fun way to break up our long days morphed into a cupcake obsession. And look, I get it . . . these cupcakes are straight-up sugar-coated crack, topped with beautiful buttercream and rainbow sprinkles. The dopamine rush of going inside that adorable little bakery with all its mini cupcakes in all the colors is hard to resist. I would love to eat nothing but cupcakes, but alas, this is not healthy. So I had to draw some boundaries around the sweet treats: We don’t live in a world where cupcakes fall from the sky, or where the streets are paved with sprinkles (much to my and my children’s dismay). It’s a sad fact, but cupcakes are not an unlimited resource.
“Take the garbage can off your head!”
Yeah. That one happened. I turned my back for one second after emptying the small bathroom garbage can into the larger kitchen garbage receptacle. “Mommy, I am a knight! Look! Look!” Somehow, a toddler can make a scene of horror sound adorable. “How can you see anything? It must be so stinky inside there! Take it off your head!” I genuinely smiled but simultaneously cringed. Needless to say, he needed a good scrub that evening.
“You can’t go outside naked.”
What I wanted to say: “Look, kid. I get it. This is how we were all born. These birthday suits are a beautiful thing. We shouldn’t be ashamed and I am hella glad you are comfortable just the way you were made. Unfortunately, society would disagree. You see, there are social constructs that I cannot explain succinctly, and, to keep it user-friendly, it boils down to rules. Just as you have rules at home, we, as humans, have rules to follow, too. It’s strange, but it works as long as people don’t get overly cranky over silly rules (which sometimes happens, but overall, the system works).”
“I am so sorry the Cheerios are not round enough and that I cannot make the rain stop!”
When it’s wrong, it’s wrong. And this was just one of those mornings where the Cheerios were the wrong shape, the bowl was the wrong color, and the milk was too cold. The weather was too aggressive and I was supposed to make the sun appear.
Sometimes, there are just things that cannot be fixed. And while I do feel so sorry for the mishaps that I cannot fix, there are just some things that are beyond my control; a fact that I frequently need to be reminded of.
“I am also sorry for the rain, but no, I cannot make it stop. I don’t control the weather, although I am grateful that you think the world of me enough to believe I alone make the clouds move.”
“Underwear belongs on your butt, not your head.”
This was honestly the cutest thing ever. The underwear in question was clean, by the way. I think that is very important to note. My son put the undies atop his noggin and pulled the leg hole so that it framed his squishy little face. He then got on a bouncy seat and paraded around the house. He then asked me to hop on board his spaceship with his sister. I didn’t want to pass up this rare opportunity to explore space, so I agreed!
“Let’s go to outer space!”
For all the things I’ve said that stopped me in my own tracks, there are others that remind me of the sheer magic that is childhood. I love watching as my kids’ imaginations take hold and allow them to create worlds all their own. And I am beyond excited when they bestow me the honor of hopping aboard their pillow-spaceship and walking on the moon with them.
And when they are utterly adorable – which, they often can be – I really can’t help myself because, darn it, they earned those cupcakes. Maybe I should rethink the cupcake thing. Is there such a thing as too many cupcakes? Those funny little creatures that I call “my kids” sometimes need to believe in a world of unlimited cupcakes. If believing in a world of unlimited cupcakes is wrong, I don’t want to be right.
COLLEEN TIRTIRIAN is a mother, writer, editor, and New Jersey native, currently writing from her home office in Hoboken. She believes that sharing the journey of motherhood, especially taboo topics, can help to normalize the difficult moments we all feel from time to time. When she’s not writing and juggling mom-duty, Colleen enjoys playing guitar and crafting (specifically, miniatures). Some may say she’s a bit quirky, but she chooses to embrace her eccentricities and channels them into her creative endeavors.