Impossible Dream and Other Poems
Photo Courtesy | Colleen Tirtirian
BY COLLEEN TIRTIRIAN
Content Guidance: The poem “Heartbeat” references pregnancy loss.
Impossible Dream
Motherhood is . . .
The bask of an early morning snuggle
a quiet, cooing baby on my breast.
It is tracing tiny little hands and feet
The rise and fall of a perfect chest.
An impossible dream
In this dream we know about
the “hard times.”
We were warned: it will not be easy.
But those are the in-between moments,
we are reassured.
Because sure, it’s hard.
But the warning should have been
a screaming siren
I scream
At empty words like
You got this, Mama
Hugs, Mama
This too shall pass . . .
It’s just a phase . . .
Enjoy it while it lasts, Mama . . .
But I am still learning
How to breathe in this
impossible dream
Tiny Ballerina
She dances with the ease
of a tiny ballerina inside a jewelry box
The one that plays the tinkering sounds
as she spins in her perfect circle.
She dances with grace
and style,
shaking her hips from side to side
spinning freely,
bowing as the song ends.
Again! Again! She yells
Our little ballerina
I want to hold her inside this tiny bejeweled box
but she is not mine to keep.
Heartbeat
I am an empty room
waiting for someone
or thing
to make me whole
Dormant and dusty,
a void with no memory.
I am an empty room.
No.
Womb.
Failed after failed attempt
waiting for the bloom of spring
to blossom life
inside of me
I am the words There is no heartbeat.
No heart.
No—
But when the time comes
we burn the empty room to cinders
Instead, we build a new one
where sunlight dances on floors
a place of ease and abundance
Phrases like, “you’re glowing”
and
“May I touch…” as a hand reaches to feel for kicks
replace
“at least it was early…” and
“are you sure you have your dates right?”
Where the deafening sound of a simple whoosh whoosh
is filled by a thump, thump-thump.
COLLEEN TIRTIRIAN is a mother, writer, editor, and New Jersey native, currently writing from her home office in Hoboken. She believes that sharing the journey of motherhood, especially taboo topics, can help to normalize the difficult moments we all feel from time to time. When she’s not writing and juggling mom-duty, Colleen enjoys playing guitar and crafting (specifically, miniatures). Some may say she’s a bit quirky, but she chooses to embrace her eccentricities and channels them into her creative endeavors.